In the Shadows
by Tanya Reed
Summary: CC is in a terrible accident that forces her spirit from her body. While her body is in a coma, her spirit wanders, discovering what the people in her life really think about her. This story takes place around the end of season three (right after "Ship of Fran's"). It's mostly a CC discovering herself story with a helping of Niles/CC and Fran friendship.
1. Chapter 1

CC woke abruptly, not quite knowing what had awakened her. In fact, she didn't even remember going to sleep.

She was curled up on the couch in Maxwell's office with an open play in her lap. Reading new plays always made her sleepy, and this wasn't the first one that had caused her to have an unexpected nap.

CC sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes. Maxwell sat at his desk, lips pursed in thought, with a pen in his hand. CC studied him for a moment, softly smiling to herself.

"How long was I out, Maxwell?" she asked around a yawn. Her boss didn't even bother to look up to answer her. CC frowned. "Maxwell?"

Before he had a chance to react to her question, the door burst open, and Nanny Fine breezed in.

"Mr. Sheffield..."

For her, Maxwell looked up. "What is it, Miss Fine?"

"I'm worried about Gracie."

CC narrowed her eyes as she watched Nanny Fine walk over to Maxwell's desk and perch on it. The nanny's already short skirt rode up to an indecent level when she crossed her legs.

Maxwell put down his pen and gave her his full attention. "What is the matter?"

"Something's bothering her, and I don't know what it is. I need a way to make her spill her guts."

CC sighed and got to her feet. "Really, Nanny Fine, isn't it your job to figure out these things?"

"What did you have in mind?" Maxwell asked.

"Well, I was thinking..."

"Now, that's something new," CC mumbled, rolling her eyes. "I'll be right back, Maxwell. I'm going for some water."

Not surprisingly, neither answered. CC may as well have been invisible. At least in the kitchen, she'd be able to get some human interaction-even if it was just with Niles.

She still felt a little sleepy as she wandered down the corridors. Maybe coffee would be a better idea than water. Niles's coffee was always strong and bracing, and most of the time-even when he did something to it- it was really good.

The kitchen door was propped open and, as she approached, CC could see Niles puttering around, gathering dishes. He was singing quietly to himself, but his voice was so soft that she couldn't make out the words. She watched him rinse off the remnants of the Sheffield's last meal and realized she couldn't remember what they ate. In fact, she couldn't even remember coming in that morning. She stopped, puzzled, and searched her mind. When it still didn't come to her, she decided she must still be groggy from her unplanned nap.

Impatiently, she ran a hand over her forehead before hurrying into the kitchen. "All right, butler boy, where's the coffee?"

Niles ignored her as he started loading dishes into the dishwasher.

"Hey, Hazel, are you listening to me?"

There was no reaction, and CC clenched her teeth as anger welled up inside of her. She hated when Niles played this game. The last time, Maxwell had reprimanded her when she'd given in first and yelled at Niles. She wouldn't let that happen again. This time, she'd wait him out.

CC stood there with her arms crossed, watching him work. Her irritation grew as he continued to ignore her.

The phone interrupted their game of wills. Niles stopped humming and placed the plate he was holding on the counter. He wiped his hands on a towel and picked up the receiver.

"Sheffield residence...Yes, this is Niles...What?" CC saw a look of disbelief go over his face. "When did it happen?...Where is she?"

Curious, CC forgot about her need for coffee and moved closer. Niles's expression had turned strange...shock and worry and...was that anger?

"Yes...Yes...Thank you for calling."

As he hung up, CC asked, "What was that all about?"

Niles didn't even glance at her. He just numbly passed her and went out the door. Curiously, CC followed him.

Nanny Fine and Maxwell were still talking in the office. CC could tell by his expression that he was about to give in to whatever outrageous request the nanny was making this time.

"Sir," Niles said slowly, stopping so abruptly that CC almost bumped into him, "I have news."

Nanny Fine turned on her perch, and she and Maxwell stared questioningly at Niles.

When Niles paused before speaking, Maxwell impatiently asked, "What is it?"

"Miss Babcock has been in a terrible accident."

"Very funny, Niles." CC rolled her eyes.

"An accident?" Maxwell sat up straighter.

Concern flashed over Nanny Fine's face. "Is she all right?"

"No." Niles's voice was firm and quiet.

"Of course I'm all right," CC interrupted. "There was no accident."

"Is she...?"

"Dead?" Niles shook his head. "No. Unfortun..." He bit back the word and swallowed before continuing, "She was headed to the theatre this morning when a truck smashed into the side of her BMW."

CC froze. She could remember leaving for the theatre that morning but she couldn't remember arriving. How odd.

"They don't know..." Niles's voice sounded strained. "She's fighting for her life..."

"Don't be ridiculous!" CC burst out, throwing her arms in the air. "I'm right here."

"For some reason, that blasted woman has made me her emergency contact. Why would she do such a thing?"

CC suddenly went cold. It had been years since she had done that, and she had never told anyone-especially Niles.

There was a flash of light, and CC's stomach clenched in fear as she saw a huge black truck bearing down on her. It was going much too fast, and the driver was looking at a building across the street. The flash was so real that CC's knees went weak.

"Niles?" She waved a hand in front of his eyes, but he didn't even blink. "Maxwell? Nanny Fine?"

"Who knows why Miss Babcock does anything?" Nanny Fine hopped off of Maxwell's desk.

"Indeed," Niles agreed.

Stunned, CC reached out desperately to pinch Niles and realized she couldn't feel him.

"Poor CC," Maxwell said.

"They promised to keep us posted, sir."

"Do you think we should go...?" Nanny Fine asked softly.

"It's not really our place, is it?" Maxwell asked, and CC didn't know whether to laugh or sob.

"None of her family is nearby, sir," Niles said quietly.

"Like they'd come even if they were," CC told him, even though she now knew he couldn't hear her. The memory was coming back in vivid detail. The flash as sunlight hit the other driver's mirror. The crash and crunch of metal. The searing pain.

"Somebody should be there," Nanny Fine insisted. "I might not always get along with her, but I'm not letting her die alone."

A slight smile turned up the corner of Niles's mouth. "Oh, this would horrify her, if she knew. I'm coming too."

"You're thinking of torturing her now?"

"Of course. It's what I do."

Niles was wrong, CC realized with a jolt. She didn't find the thought of the two of them sitting in the hospital waiting horrifying. In a way, it was rather comforting. She didn't really hate either of them. Standing there as a...What the hell was she, anyway? A ghost?...whatever, she could be honest with herself. What use were lies when she was probably on her way out anyway? CC could admit that she was often almost fond of Nanny Fine. There were times when the annoying nanny seemed like her only friend. If it weren't for their tug-of-war over Maxwell-a tug-of-war Nanny Fine had been constantly winning-CC might have actually let their friendship develop. As for Niles, her relationship with him was very complicated. She'd known him for over fifteen years, and she still couldn't decide whether she adored him or hated him. He was her best friend; he was her fiercest enemy.

"Are you coming, sir?"

A pained look came to Maxwell's face. "I don't think so."

Niles's eyebrows rose. "Sir?"

"The doctors don't need me in the way."

"Of course not, sir."

A sharp wave of despair jabbed into CC's chest. He had never cared for her. Never enough. Even when she was quite possibly dying, he couldn't bring himself to care.

Unable to look at him, CC followed Niles and Nanny Fine as they prepared to leave. Several times, she tried to get their attention so they'd know that part of her was there with them, but it didn't work.

The two of them were strangely quiet. There was none of the companionable laughter or gossip she usually walked in on in the kitchen. Their faces were solemn and Nanny Fine's eyes were sad.

As Niles opened the door for Nanny Fine, CC wondered what was happening to her. Was she really fighting for her life? Could she already be dead?

The thought stunned her, and CC stopped walking. The door closed behind Niles, and CC was left in the foyer by herself.

Her breath—or what felt like breath—caught, and CC was afraid. Even though Niles and Nanny Fine hadn't been aware of her presence, with them she hadn't felt as if she were in this alone. As soon as they were gone, the weight of what was happening crashed down on her. She was a spirit and no one could see or hear her. At any moment, the tiny spark that was keeping her alive could go out, and it would all be over. Blackness. Nothing. CC didn't believe in an afterlife and, if she did, she couldn't believe that it would be any better than the life she was used to.

Not wanting to be left behind, CC hurried to the door. She knew she couldn't open it because she couldn't touch it. She wondered if she'd be able to go right through it.

Hesitantly, she reached up and carefully put her palm against it. As she had expected, CC felt no resistance. Slowly, she pushed forward, and her hand disappeared. The sight was almost enough to make her jerk back. Still, CC was not some frightened little girl. She had never backed down from facing her fears.

Steeling herself and straightening her shoulders, she forced her entire body and mind to go completely calm. Then, with no hesitation, she boldly walked through the door...

...and into an operating room.

With shock, CC tried to take in the whiteness of it all. White walls, White clad people. White sheets. And red.

_Oh my God_. CC gulped and turned her eyes away at the sight of someone's insides.

She studied her surroundings, wondering how she'd ended up there. Wasn't she supposed to be seeing sidewalks and traffic instead of the inside of a hospital?

The room wasn't just white. There were grays and silvers and the blue eyes of one of the nurses. They were so light that they reminded her of Niles's. CC stared at her for a moment, watching the thoughts flicker through those eyes, which were the only part of the nurse's face she could see. For some reason, they calmed her, and she was able to look away and glance at the doctor and other attendants. Machines beeped, but underneath was a hushed solemness.

Frowning, CC stepped closer and looked down at the face on the table. The queasiness returned as she realized it was her own. The eyes were closed and the flesh was way too pale. A breathing tube was in her mouth, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Bruises marred her cheekbone, and there was a bandage across her forehead.

The doctor and his staff murmured to one another, but CC didn't listen to their words. She was fascinated by the image in front of her. If she stayed here long enough, could she watch herself die?

XXX

CC lost track of time as she watched the surgeon try to save her life. It was at least an hour, maybe two, and nothing changed. The words were the same, the actions were the same, the room was the same.

Several times, the doctor had sounded worried or urgent, and each time CC wondered if that was the time her life would end. Still, somehow, the body on the table went on living. It kept fighting, as if it actually had something to fight for.

As she lay dying—or refusing too die, it seemed—CC thought about how empty her life was and how meaningless. If she did die, no one would care. Niles and Miss Fine had come to see her out of either fascination or obligation, and Maxwell hadn't even managed that much. Her family was all estranged, except maybe for Noel, and the people she called friends disliked her as much as she disliked them. There would be no one to mourn the Bitch of Broadway.

It was sad, really. Usually, when she contemplated such things, she threw herself into her work to make herself forget them. In that stark operating room, those thoughts were all she had.

She worried about Chester briefly before acknowledging that he'd have a happy life with Nanny Fine. Even her dog, her baby, liked others more than he liked CC herself.

With a heavy sigh, CC turned away from the operating table and towards the door. She wondered what would happen if she went through it. Would she find herself in a hospital corridor or would she find herself back at Maxwell's? It didn't matter, she supposed. There wasn't really anywhere she wanted to be. She just couldn't stay in that room staring at herself, trapped in her own mind.

There was another abrupt transition as she took a step towards the door and found herself in a different room. CC blinked at the sudden change.

The room around her was full of activity, and nurses were rushing in different directions. A huge desk dominated the room, and several doorways branched out from it. CC chose one at random, following the sound of hushed voices, and discovered an almost empty waiting room.

A group of crying women were the source of the voices, and CC watched them hug one another with a feeling of vague curiosity. A slight movement beyond them caught her eye, and she realized there were more people in the room.

Going in, CC went around the women and saw Nanny Fine and Niles sitting quietly at the back. Nanny Fine was fidgeting and Niles was staring at his hands, which were twined in his lap.

CC moved closer, wondering what they were saying about her...what they were thinking. Had they been making fun of her just seconds before? Neither of them looked amused. In fact, Nanny Fine looked strangely concerned, and Niles was uncharacteristically silent.

"It's been so long." Nanny Fine sighed. "How much longer is it gonna take?"

Niles looked up. "Would you like me to take you home, Miss Fine? Operations like this take hours."

"But it's been hours already."

"It could be several more."

"At least this means she's still alive, right?"

"I suppose," Niles answered tonelessly.

"I was so mean to her, Niles. I teased her because it was fun, but I didn't really mean it. Do you think she thought I did? I feel so guilty for all the times I hurt her feelings."

"Don't be ridiculous. You can't hurt something she doesn't have. Miss Babcock is made of ice, through and through."

Nanny Fine smiled a soft little half smile and slapped Niles gently on the hand. He smiled back, and CC was slightly jealous of their easy intimacy.

The two of them were quiet for several moments, something CC thought was an impossibility, before Nanny Fine asked, "Have you contacted her family?"

"Yes, and they were none too pleased that she made me her emergency contact and, apparently, next of kin...which is probably why she did it."

"And?"

"Mrs...whatever her last name is now...is on one of her grand vacations and informed me that she will not be coming home early. I'm to call her if Miss Babcock dies."

CC wasn't surprised, but she still winced at the callous selfishness of her mother. It was easy to see where her own selfishness came from.

Nanny Fine put a hand to her throat but did not reply as Niles continued, "Mr. Babcock seemed concerned but didn't think he'd be able to get away from his new business deal for at least a week. He has requested, however, that I call him every night to tell him how his "kitten" is doing."

This time, Nanny Fine shook her head. "I thought I had shown Stewie the error of his ways. Doesn't he know family is more important than business? If she dies, he'll never forgive himself."

Niles shrugged. "Her brother is planning on coming in the day after tomorrow, provided she lives, he said. Apparently, he is distressed because he can't place bets with Miss Babcock on whether she'll live or die."

CC chuckled and shook her head. That was so Noel. The two of them had a very complicated relationship, and they shared a bizarre sense of humour. He was rather shallow, but so was she, and he was the only one in her family to ever really show her affection when she was growing up.

"And her sister?" Nanny Fine asked.

Something like anger touched Niles's face briefly. "She said it couldn't have happened to a better person and then hung up on me."

The nanny's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. Niles gave her a slight nod of acknowledgment.

"Even I thought that was going too far," he added.

CC dropped into the chair beside Nanny Fine. It seemed as if DD couldn't let go of her animosity even when CC was dying. The whole time they were growing up, DD had never missed an opportunity to tell CC that she was an unloved, unwanted mistake and that it was her birth that had driven their mother away. Noel always maintained that DD was just jealous, but something in her malicious words rang true to CC.

"And you wonder where Miss Babcock gets it from." Nanny fine shook her head again.

If someone else in her family were in the hospital dying, would CC have taken the time to visit them? She'd like to think that she would, but she couldn't be sure. Her family was broken, and it had been for a long time.

Niles made a noncommittal sound but didn't speak. Nanny Fine also fell silent, and CC felt her own thoughts scatter and start drifting away.

XXX

It was another few hours before a doctor came out and asked, "Mr. Butler?"

Niles and Nanny Fine had been talking quietly but they stopped when they heard the doctor's voice.

A surprised look came to Nanny Fine's face. "Butler?"

Niles glanced at her briefly before standing up and saying, "Yes, I'm Niles Butler."

The doctor looked tired but then so did Niles. "Chastity-Claire has made it out of surgery..."

Niles looked puzzled for a fraction of a second, but his face almost immediately smoothed with understanding. CC could just imagine the things he'd say to her now that he knew her first name...if she lived to hear them.

"And?" he asked.

"And we don't know." The doctor sighed. "She's stable for now, and we managed to stop the bleeding. She was hurt very badly, and we don't expect her to wake up for a good long while."

"If ever" hung in the air as audibly as if he'd said it.

"If she makes it through the next twelve hours, then things will look a little brighter. For now, just take comfort in the fact she's still alive."

Niles absorbed this silently.

"If anything changes, I'll let you know. Where can I reach you?"

Niles glanced at Nanny Fine. "Fran?"

She bit her lip for a second, looking uncertain.

"You're sure she won't wake up?" she finally asked.

"Quite certain," the doctor assured her.

"And you'll call us if it looks like..."

"I'll call Mr. Butler, yes."

"Niles," Niles corrected.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I prefer to just be called Niles."

"No wonder." CC smirked. "Who wants to be a butler named Butler?"

"Okay, well, Niles, I will call if anything changes. You have my word."

"Maybe we should go, Niles," Nanny Fine said. "We can't do anything here, and it's two in the morning. Miss Babcock's sleeping. Maybe we should, too."

"Whatever you wish." He rubbed an eye tiredly. "I hope Mr. Sheffield doesn't mind getting take out for breakfast. I'm exhausted."

"Me, too. Let's go home. Thank you, Doctor. We can be reached at the number on file."

"Try to get some rest. I know it's hard when someone you love is ill..."

"Someone I love?" Niles scoffed. "I just want to know if I'm in the Will."

"Niles!" Nanny Fine slapped his shoulder. "Behave. Forgive him, Doctor. He's just joking."

The doctor just nodded and walked away. CC watched Nanny Fine and Niles gather up their things and head off in the other direction. Unsure of what to do, she just stood there watching until they disappeared behind a set of doors.

Once more, loneliness slammed into her. She had nowhere to go, nothing to do. She didn't require sleeping or eating. She couldn't touch anything. Her whole world was in limbo. Everyone else's lives were moving on, but she was standing alone. Motionless and waiting.

But she didn't know what she was waiting for.


	2. Chapter 2

Through that first very long night, CC discovered that she could pop into a place by just thinking about it and taking a step forward. She practiced over and over until she could move between places effortlessly.

At one point, she looked in on Maxwell, wanting to watch him sleep. It made her feel sad, knowing he could sleep so peacefully when her fate was uncertain. Most people thought her cold and callous, but she would not have been able to sleep if their positions were reversed.

Eventually, the morning came and she was sitting in a chair staring at herself when the first weak rays of the sun came tentatively through the window in her hospital room.

The light fell on a face that was bandaged and bruised and still much too pale. Both her left arm and her right leg were elevated and encased in sturdy casts. A thin blanket covered her, but she still thought she looked cold.

CC dragged her gaze from her body as the door opened and her much too young looking doctor came in.

"Good morning, Chastity-Claire," he said as he began checking the machines that beeped around her. "I wanted to check on you before I headed for home. I'm glad to see you're still holding on."

"Well, it's not as if I had anywhere else to go," she snapped, getting to her feet.

CC tried not to think about how she could sit in chairs and not fall through or how she could stand on the floor. She was afraid too much scrutiny would nullify it.

Unwilling to watch the doctor's ministrations, CC turned from him and walked into the Sheffield house. It was hushed and expectant, as if just waiting for its residents to start the day. CC soaked in the solemn peace of it, realizing that she felt more at home there than she did in her own colorless penthouse suite.

CC had appeared in the living room, but something compelled her to move towards the kitchen. As she got closer, she began to hear soft noises. Frowning, she hurried to the door and instinctively put her hand up to push her way through. She stumbled when she met no resistance and almost fell as she literally went through the door.

As CC straightened, she noticed Niles was the one making the sounds. He was moving about in the kitchen in his apron, mumbling to himself. She watched as he gathered ingredients and bowls and utensils and realized that this was the first time she could ever observe him without his knowledge. The thought intrigued her.

He was so comfortable in his kitchen. There was a smoothness to his movements, as if he'd done this a million times before. And he probably had.

When the smells started, CC moved closer. They were so good that she could almost imagine her stomach rumbling. Of course, her stomach was halfway across the city in a hospital bed. Absently, she rubbed the ghost of a stomach that was there with her, wishing she could taste Niles's cooking one more time. Her Butler Boy might be lacking in the kindness factor—at least where she was concerned—but his food was the best she'd ever tasted.

CC was alone with Niles in the kitchen for a half an hour before there were any other signs of life in the house. She noticed that he glanced at the phone occasionally, as if expecting it to ring. Was that because of her?

The silence was broken when Maxwell came into the kitchen. He was still in his pajamas and robe, his hair slightly mussed. CC looked at him and thought he looked strangely alien in Niles's space.

"Good morning, Niles," he said cheerfully. It seemed as if his life was just fine without her, CC acknowledged bitterly.

Niles looked away from the stove. "Good morning, sir."

"I thought you'd be sleeping in this morning. It must have been after three when you and Miss Fine got in."

"When you're used to getting up at six, it seems your body will do it no matter what time you go to bed."

"So, you're making breakfast?"

"Yes, sir."

"Splendid." More seriously, he added, "Have you heard anything?"

Niles shook his head. "Not yet."

"In this case, that's good, right? They did say they'd call if her condition worsened."

"That's quite right, sir."

"Carry on."

Maxwell left the kitchen as abruptly as he'd entered. The little bit of peace CC had managed to build while watching Niles prepare breakfast collapsed. Pain stabbed at her as she stared after Maxwell. Just like that, he had dismissed her.

Suddenly, she didn't want to be there anymore. Without even a glance at Niles, she took the step forward that would take her back to her hospital room.

XXX

Several hours later, CC was angrily pacing back and forth, mumbling to herself.

The scene in front of her was a mess, both literally and figuratively. The actors were still on script, the costumes were horrendous, and the set designer was close to getting the director to change the agreed upon sets.

When CC had gotten bored watching herself, the logical place to go was the theatre so she could check on the current production. That was where she had been headed when the accident sent her to the hospital instead.

Now, there she was, wanting to rage and scream and threaten but unable to communicate. Of all the times not to have a voice. If the set designer and director could have seen or heard her, she would have given them both a tongue lashing that left blisters. All the words she wanted to say bubbled up and out of her in muttered threats.

Finally, exasperated when the director seemed on the verge of giving in to the set designer, CC threw up her hands. "Don't you dare! If you let him do this, when I wake up, I'll hurt you so hard your grandchildren will feel it!"

Where was Maxwell, anyway, she wondered. Since she hadn't made it to the theatre to check on things, he should have been there. For a man who was supposed to care so much about his company, he seemed way too content to leave things to underlings. Luckily for him, one of those underlings was CC herself.

"If I die, I will haunt you until you are a quivering mass of terror," she continued before turning away in disgust.

She had to get out of there. Quickly clenching her fists, she took a step forward, not caring where she ended up.

It happened to be Niles's kitchen.

The room was quiet once again, though it was near noon. Niles should have been in a flurry of activity like he was that morning. Instead, he was at the table with his head pillowed on his arms.

Puzzled, CC moved closer and realized that he was snoring softly. The butler had fallen asleep. A devious smile came to her face and, with glee, she thought of all the evil things she could do to him if she had any substance. The thoughts chased away the rest of her anger as she studied him from all angles, tapping her bottom lip.

"If I could touch you, you'd be in so much trouble, Butler Boy."

Three hours of sleep must have left him exhausted. Still, CC felt no sympathy for him. He would never have hesitated to torture her if she were the one caught napping. Still, she had to admit, he looked almost sweet. She frowned at this thought. There was nothing sweet about that damned butler, especially when it came to her.

A soft thumping on the stairs drew CC's attention, and she saw Nanny Fine coming down into the kitchen. The nanny was wearing a big, green, fluffy robe and one of her hands was covering a yawn. Her hair was brought up in a messy ponytail, but CC noticed she had taken time to put on her make up.

Nanny Fine stopped when she saw Niles, and a soft, tender smile came to her face.

"Oh, Scarecrow," she whispered.

Her even-fuzzier-than-her-robe slippers made little shuffling noises as she came over to Niles and CC. CC had to move quickly to the side or the nanny would have gone right through her (and that was an experience CC wasn't quite ready for—and probably never would be.)

Nanny Fine ran a gentle had down Niles's back and bent to give him a brief kiss on the top of the head. "It's all right. I got this."

Once more, CC felt a pang of jealousy for the sweet intimacy the two domestics shared. There was no one in her life that she would feel comfortable kissing like that, especially if the person were awake. What would it be like to have that?

CC slipped into the seat on Niles's left, looking up as she heard Nanny Fine's voice.

"Hello, House of Wong?...Yes, this is Fran Fine...I can't complain. You?...Yeah, same as last time. The Family of Five Special with extra everything...Delivery...Thanks."

Chinese food sounded wonderful. Once more, CC felt her nonexistent stomach growl and wondered if there was an answering rumble in her physical body.

To distract herself from thoughts of food, CC once again studied Niles. Even though Nanny Fine had been making plenty of noise trying to be quiet, he hadn't even flinched.

Tentatively, CC reached forward and touched his temple with her fingers. She couldn't feel anything, and she was sure he couldn't either. If he could, he would certainly be jumping to his feet and batting her hand away. Touching him this way seemed almost forbidden. Funny how a slap or a push or an accidental brush as they stood very close together seemed so natural when a kind touch felt so awkward.

She would miss him, she realized. If this was it and she never got to talk to him again. Even if all there was after life was darkness, somewhere in all that emptiness some part of her would still be aware that there was no Niles.

It was a heavy thought, and CC pushed it to the back of her mind to rest in the place that still couldn't decide whether she adored Niles or hated him.

XXX

CC was watching Nanny Fine, Maxwell, and Niles eat enough Chinese food for six people when there was a strange flutter in her chest. She had been playfully insulting Niles and wishing he could hear the zingers she was rattling off, but the feeling made her stop in mid sentence.

CC's hand went to her chest as another flutter went through it. It was almost as if a small bird were trapped where her heart should be. The back of her neck prickled as instinct told her that something was wrong.

She hesitated, tempted to ignore it, but the soft tug that followed another flutter was hard to ignore. The quiet conversation around her faded into the background, and CC closed her eyes.

Was it her body? Was something happening to it? She hadn't felt any sensations from it before, but she didn't know what else could be happening. The feeling was different than anything she had ever felt in her life—as if something were tugging her from the inside.

Giving in, she opened her eyes and turned from those eating. Refusing to hesitate again, she took a determined step forward.

She landed in chaos.

There was a loud beep and shouting and way more people in her room than there should be.

"Come on, Chastity-Claire, you can do this," a desperate voice said.

As CC started making sense of what was going on, she realized that the continued beep was her heart monitor—she had flatlined.

"Clear!"

She heard this absently as she felt another tug. It was urging her back towards her body. Her breath caught, and she refused to give in. CC dropped down into the nearby chair and discovered things became a little better. She could no longer see the scary sight of her helpless body and, while the flutter was still strong, the tug was not so insistent.

So, this was it, she thought glumly. The end. After everything—her crappy childhood, her brief and happy friendship with Sarah, her determined but doomed pursuit of Maxwell, her fights with Niles, her long years of empty loneliness where she had used alcohol to prevent herself from wallowing in pain, the complete nothing that was her life. It all ended here, and her death would be as meaningless as her life had been. What a waste.

Suddenly, it dawned on her that despite everything—and despite her wishing it and Niles telling her to do it over and over again—she didn't want to die.

This realization was followed by a sudden hush in the room. CC looked up as the continuous beeping hiccuped and started rhythmically pulsing.

"Good girl," her doctor said happily. "I knew you could do it."

"Yeah, right." She tried for sarcasm but fell short, hardly believing that her body still stubbornly clung to life.

XXX

"Sleeping on the job again, I see, Babcock."

His voice in her room surprised her, and CC turned from contemplating the city outside of her window. She hadn't expected to see him here, for several reasons. He had been so tired that she assumed he'd nap the rest of the afternoon, and she wasn't aware that they were allowing her visitors. After all, she had almost died just a few hours earlier. The biggest reason, though, was that she thought he wouldn't want to.

CC leaned against the window and watched Niles move further into the room. His expression was almost annoyed, and his eyes were shadowed. She wondered what he was thinking.

Those eyes widened as they fell on her battered face and CC winced. Niles had seen her in various states of good and bad, but this had to be the very worst.

His gaze traveled downward, taking in her two gigantic casts.

"Yes, Benson, I'm hurt and you're not the cause. I bet you're burning with jealousy. Maybe you want to find the man with the big black truck and shake his hand."

Niles was silent for a moment, and his face clouded over. He swallowed and cleared his throat.

"It will be difficult to chase Mr. Sheffield with that heavy cast," he said eventually, but something about his voice sounded odd.

CC crossed her arms and lifted an eyebrow. "Is that the best you've got?"

As if he heard her, Niles continued, "They're changing your room and asked me to bring in some familiar things in case you wake up. I was thinking your broom and cauldron."

Despite herself, CC snickered.

"Is there anything else you can think of? Black hat? Wart collection?" He sounded almost normal, and a hint of a smile chased the shadows away.

For the first time since the accident, her spirits really lifted, and she perched on the bottom of her bed to see if he'd zing her again.

She was surprised when he came closer, until he was standing right beside the bed. Niles was so close that either one of her could have touched him if they were able. He reached down and brushed his fingertips over the bruises on her cheek.

"You're a tough old girl, aren't you, Miss Babcock?"

His tone was even, and CC didn't know whether to take his words as an insult or a compliment.

"And you weren't around during the Jurassic Period?" she commented quite cheerfully.

The door opened and a young and perky blond nurse popped in. "Mr. Butler?"

Niles turned quickly, an almost guilty look on his face.

"That's all the time we can give you right now, I'm sorry. You'll be able to visit during normal visiting hours once she's moved."

"All right," he said, and CC still had no idea what he was thinking.

He didn't look at CC again; he just nodded at the nurse and left. Not wanting to be alone, CC decided to go with him.

XXX

Nanny Fine was waiting on the couch when Niles and CC returned to the townhouse. When he entered, she crossed the room to meet him at the door."How is she?"

Niles hesitated, and CC used his pause to slip in after him so she wouldn't have to go through the door.

"They're moving her out of ICU."

"Already?"

"Well, not for a couple of hours, but she seems to be stabilizing."

"Even after...?" She rolled her hand.

"You can say it, Nanny Fine," CC told her. "After my heart stopped."

And started again, of course.

"Yes, but they are waiting to see if it lasts. Once they move her, you may go see her, if you like...though I don't know why you'd want to."

"Did you get to see her?"

He gave her a disgusted look. "Of course not. I just signed the papers and came back."

"Are you pulling the plug?" CC asked sweetly, amused at his lie. She trusted him more than she did anyone in her family, including Noel, to do what was right for her. That's why, despite everything, she'd given him the power to do so.

"They also asked me to bring some things from her penthouse so there's something familiar in her room when she wakes up. Do you think her coffin is too big?"

"Niles!"

He smirked and CC rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry," Nanny Fine continued, "I'll go get a few small things."

"That's all right, Miss Fine. There's no need for both of us to suffer."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay then."

Suddenly, the door flew open and there was an exclamation of, "Brighton!"

The mentioned child came in laughing. He was followed by a furious Maggie and a solemn Grace.

Nanny Fine patted Niles on the arm then turned to the children. "Hi, how was school?"

"It was great, Fran." Maggie's frown turned into a happy grin. "Mark asked me out."

"Is this Mark with the blond hair or Mark with the Porsche?"

"The Porsche."

"Oh! That's great, honey." Miss Fine matched Maggie's smile.

"Meanwhile, I got hit in the head by a basketball, stepped on by Big Eddie, and stood up by Veronica for our lunch date," Brighton commented.

"Oh, B, don't worry. Tomorrow will be better." The nanny's smile turned sympathetic.

"I hope so...but at least I got to torture Maggie."

"Shut up, Brighton," Maggie snapped.

"How about you, Gracie? You're awful quiet, angel."

"I'm worried about Miss Babcock."

CC had mostly tuned out the children and was about to follow Niles towards the kitchen. She stopped at Grace's words, her curiosity piqued.

Both Grace's sister and brother looked at her in surprise.

"Is she going to be all right, Fran?"

"They don't know yet, sweetie, but she is doing a little better."

"I was really mean to her the last time she was here. Do you think it's my fault?"

CC thought back to her conversation with Grace a couple of days before. She didn't remember the child saying anything that hurtful. Still, CC had to admit her skin had gotten a lot thicker since she started working for Maxwell. Grace was still a sensitive child, and it was hard to tell what would bother her.

"Of course not." Nanny Fine ran her hand over Grace's hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. "It was an accident."

"Why are you worried about that old witch, anyhow?" Brighton asked grumpily.

"Brighton!"

"You have to admit she can be cruel and selfish, Fran," Maggie said. "I don't think she likes us much."

"I used to be scared of her," Grace admitted, "but now I think she's just lonely, and that makes her angry."

CC was surprised to hear the Little One defend her.

"I guess she is nice to us sometimes," Maggie added, "and not always to impress Daddy...I've been kind of worried about her today, too."

CC's eyebrows rose at this confession. She had assumed the children hated her. It was one of the reasons she always pretended to forget their names

Brighton stuck his hands in his pockets. "She offered to teach me how to protect myself. Dad wasn't even in the room at the time. She told me life was full of creeps and I had to stop being so nice all the time. Me, nice."

Maggie elbowed him. "That was because she felt sorry for you when you peed yourself."

CC remembered that conversation. She had spent hours with him trying to show him how to use bravado as a weapon. She noticed that Brighton failed to mention her last piece of advice—if all else fails, knee them in the groin. Brighton was a scrawny boy; he needed to learn to play dirty.

"Yeah, well at least pee washes off. Ugly doesn't."

"Be quiet, you troll."

"I just thought of something," Grace said. "What about Chester?"

"Don't worry. Niles is going to bring him here to stay with us. He'll be fine...I'm sure Miss Babcock will be, too."

"I hope so. I don't want her to die."

CC found herself touched by Grace's declaration.

"You'll keep us posted on how she's doing, won't you, Fran?" Maggie asked.

"Of course I will. Maybe you could even go see her."

"Do we have to?" Brighton grimaced. Maggie hit him in the back of the head, so he added, "Ow."

He was feisty. CC had always liked that about him. Through the years, she'd made a point not to get too close to the children, but there were things she liked about them. The scene she was witnessing was starting to make her wonder if there were possibly things they liked about her.

"Go get changed," Miss Fine told him, but she was smiling. So was CC.


	3. Chapter 3

The private room they moved her into when she left ICU was much nicer, and there was even a bright picture of sunflowers on the wall. It was still much too white for CC's tastes, but she appreciated the colorful flowers that broke the cold, sterile feel that had lingered in her old room. The flowers were mostly from work associates, but a dozen red roses had been sent by her father. CC was surprised to see his own handwriting on the card.

Twenty-four hours had passed since her heart stopped, and her doctor no longer looked worried when he came to check on her. Her body was stable, but she was in a coma. They had no idea whether she'd come out of it, but her doctor seemed tentatively optimistic.

For now, CC decided to feel the same. She couldn't bear to think of remaining in her spirit-like state forever. It was hard enough to see herself lying there attached to so many tubes and wires—they breathed for her, they fed her, they monitored everything. Her body looked like a mad scientist's experiment.

The curtains were open and the day was bright and sunny. The light danced into the room, making it almost cheerful. CC didn't know whether she found that annoying or comforting.

CC was just contemplating going to the townhouse when the door opened and her brother walked in.

Noel was dressed smartly, as usual, and there was an old hardcover book under his arm.

CC was surprised to see him. Even though Noel had said he would come, she thought he'd be too busy. Her rarely came back to New York because he was always either teaching or at some function. Like CC—and unlike both their mother and their sister—Noel chose to work. Unlike CC, that didn't earn him scorn from their mother or pats on the head from their father.

"Hello, CC."

His expression was unusually solemn. By nature, Noel was a jovial person who found amusement in everything. He loved jokes and he could turn anything into a bet.

Seeing him gave CC a feeling that was strange but pleasant.

"You look even worse than I expected," he continued.

Even that comment didn't detract from her happiness at seeing him.

"I can't stay long. I've got classes the day after tomorrow, but I had to come and make sure you were okay myself."

"That was kind of you, Noel."

She watched him walk up to her prone form and gently pat the hand lying on the bed. Her eyebrows rose. Such a gesture from a Babcock was almost like receiving a hug from anyone else.

"How are they treating you? I see that butler was at least able to get you a private room. I still don't think I understand this fascination you have with him..."

CC frowned. "Fascination? There's no fascination."

"...but he seems perfectly pleasant and sensible. I checked up on him when I found out you'd given him Power of Attorney and named him next of kin. Did you know that he's actually from a very good family? His direct line are all domestics and have been for generations, but they also have noble blood. Well, his father's side..His mother is French."

CC felt uncomfortable listening to Noel talk about Niles, so she was glad when he changed the subject.

"Do you remember this?"

He took the book out from under his arm and showed it to her. CC came closer to peer at it and recognized the book he read to her when she was a little girl...and not just once. It had been her favorite book—about a group of girls who started a club about horses—and Noel had a way of reading it that always made it exciting. Plus, he did different voices for the adults, which CC had loved. As an adult, CC'd almost forgotten about its existence.

"I thought you might like a bedtime story."

CC was shocked at Noel's thoughtfulness. Yes, he had been her best friend—and often her only friend—growing up, but he was also as selfish as she was. She couldn't imagine taking the time to read to him if their positions were reversed.

Her brother cleared his throat and settled into the chair. CC perched in front of him on the bed, crossing her legs and waiting expectantly. She almost felt like a little girl again.

Noel adjusted his glasses and opened the book to the first page. As he began to read, CC felt peace settle over her for the first time since she'd watched Niles make breakfast the morning before.

XXX

Noel read for hours. CC switched positions several times as she listened, but he never paused or moved. She had spent most of her life believing that nobody loved her—that, in fact, she was unloveable—but it slowly dawned on her that if a Babcock loved, this was the way he would show it.

As her brother finally stopped reading and looked up, CC put her hand on his arm. "Thank you, Noel."

"I'm sorry, CC," he said, his voice sounding dry and scratchy. "That's all I have time for. I've got to catch a plane back in just a couple of hours. I'm not sure when I'll be back."

He stood and stretched, his bones popping. Once more, he reached out and touched the motionless hand on the bed.

"Be well."

As he turned to go, he placed the book on the table beside their father's flowers. He hadn't quite made it to the door when it opened and Niles came through. The butler's eyes widened and he stopped.

"I didn't know anyone was here."

"I was just leaving," Noel assured him. "I have to get back to Chicago."

"Of course." CC heard what sounded like a note of derision in Niles's voice, but Noel didn't seem to notice. He just fidgeted for a moment before stepping around Niles.

At the door, he turned. "Take care of her."

Niles didn't have time to answer as Noel hurried out. He did glance briefly at the door with a puzzled expression.

"Say it, Niles. I know you want to," CC prodded, waiting for his comment on how it was amazing someone had bothered to visit her.

But Niles didn't speak. He went over to the table and picked up the book Noel had placed there. Strangely, he had immediately homed in on it, as if he knew how important it was. He studied it, taking in the old fabric that had once been red but had faded to a dull, dark pink, the yellowed and worn pages, and the scuffed and creased spine. Niles frowned and let the book fall open to where Noel had used a bit of just-as-faded ribbon for a bookmark. His eyes scanned the pages, and then he gently closed the book and placed it back beside the roses.

CC found herself wondering what the words would sound like if Niles read them. He had a wonderful voice, and it wasn't just his British accent, which she secretly found charming. There was something lyrical about the way he spoke, a certain cadence that sounded almost like music if you listened closely enough. Not that she ever had, of course.

"Still lazing about, Babcock?" he asked, his familiar smirk wiping the pensive look from his face. "I'd think you'd be breaking out of this hospital bed to fawn over Mr. Sheffield by now. He and Miss Fine are having so much fun without you."

"Thanks, Hazel," she quipped. "That might even work if I didn't know Maxwell and Nanny Fine are nowhere near each other today."

"Things with the theatre couldn't be running more smoothly. That can't be a coincidence, could it?"

CC felt a flare of anger, but not at Niles. "Have you seen those costumes? And don't get me started on the set designer!"

"And the house is so quiet with you away. I can actually get some work done." Suddenly, his smirk fell away, almost as if someone had thrown a switch.

"Niles?"

He went forward almost hesitantly until he was standing by the bed. With a tsking sound, he started fussing over her blanket, tucking it in to suit himself. CC watched curiously, wondering if he was leading up to some prank. She was puzzled when he just watched her silently for several minutes before turning and leaving.

XXX

CC waited several hours to see if anyone else would come see her—especially Maxwell—but no one did. Her visit with Noel had left her with a desire for family, even though hers was dysfunctional at best, so boredom drove her to seek them out.

She started with her father. For as long as she could remember, she had wanted to make him proud, but nothing ever seemed good enough. She had adored him—adored him still—even though most of her memories of him were full of disappointment and heartache. One of her few good memories was created by Nanny Fine, and she'd always be grateful to her for that, no matter how the rest of their rivalry turned out.

She found Stewart Babcock working, of course. He was in his home office with a pen in his hand and paperwork in front of him.

"Hi, Daddy," CC said timidly. Even when he couldn't see her, she felt awkward and eager to please.

Her father continued working, and she could tell he was concentrating hard because he had that familiar line between his brows. CC liked watching him work, so she sat down in the pretentious chair in front of his desk.

She had been watching him for a long time when he put down his pen and tiredly rubbed at his eyes. It must have been close to seven and shadows were starting to gather in the corners of the room.

With a sigh, he pressed a button on his intercom. "Rosita?"

"Yes, Mr. Babcock?"

"Has anyone called?"

"Not since this morning."

"You're sure?"

"There is no more news, sir. Maybe you should call."

"No...no...I'm sure that butler will call if there's a problem."

Looking exhausted, her father opened a drawer and took out both a bottle and a glass. The bottle was Jack Daniels, and it was almost empty.

Despite several food cravings, CC had barely thought of alcohol since her accident. She watched it now, as it seductively slid from the bottle. It made a comforting sound, and CC wished she could have shared this drink with him. Surprisingly, she didn't crave it, not as she had Niles's cooking, but she did crave a private moment with her father.

"A parent should never outlive his children," he whispered softly before downing the liquor in one gulp. The empty glass hit the desk hard, and CC saw anguish on his face.

She didn't like it. Knowing her father was worried about her was a pleasant and quite unexpected surprise, but she almost felt as if she had let him down again. How dare she be in an accident? How dare she be near death? How dare she take Daddy away from work again?

Suddenly upset, she turned away blindly and decided to go see someone whose feelings about her didn't matter.

XXX

DD Babcock was a beautiful woman, even at forty-eight years old. She had always been beautiful—beautiful, smart, elegant, popular—and a scornful lift of her eyebrow was all it took to make CC feel ugly, stupid, and clumsy. DD's perfection was the reason behind CC's brunette experiment of the early 80's, though she had never admitted it to anyone.

When CC popped into her sister's living room, DD was cheerfully chatting on the phone. Even in silk pajamas and a silk robe, she looked elegant and graceful. Her classic features were animated but her blue eyes were as cold as ice.

"Yes, Noel, I'm listening...Yes, I'm sure she'll be fine. It's nice that there were so many flowers." DD rolled her eyes expressively. "No, I don't think I'll make it in to see her...Really, Noel, it's just another one of her bids for attention from Mommy and Daddy...You shouldn't encourage her. I mean, how close to death is she anyway?..."

CC was fairly certain they were talking about her, and there was nothing in her sister's words that surprised her.

"...And this was confirmed by a doctor and not the butler who called us...Really? Well, if it's her time...Oh, Noel, of course I care. She's my sister, after all...I really must be going...Hug, hug. Kiss, kiss."

A pensive expression came to DD's face as she disconnected the call. She frowned but didn't look unhappy. CC wished she could get inside her sister's head and see what she was thinking.

Abruptly, DD's expression changed. She didn't seem quite so beautiful as she quickly dialed a number and waited for someone to pick up.

Intrigued, CC sat beside her on the couch.

"Hello, Myron? This is DD Babcock...Yes...Yes, quite well. And you..." There was a pause, and CC saw her eyes glaze over in boredom before DD continued, "Yes, yes...Of course. Listen, I'm calling about my sister...That's right...The thing is, she's suffering. There she is, in a coma. She can't eat, she can't think, she can't move. For God's sake, she can't even breathe...Exactly. I'm wondering just how we'd put an end to all that...The indignity of it, Myron. CC would hate it. She wouldn't want..."

CC's mouth dropped open and her stomach clenched.

"I say we should give it a week, two at most. If she's not back to us by then...No, this has nothing to do with her money...Of course not...It's true she doesn't need it anymore, but that's not the point. The point is, her body is just hanging on by a thread. Is her mind still really there?...Well, the sooner we do this, the sooner we can all move on with our lives..."

CC had always known her sister was cold but this was much worse than anything CC would have expected. Even her refusal to get tested for GG's sake when she needed that transplant hadn't made CC see how truly selfish her sister had become.

"Daddy's so sentimental," DD added, "I've got to find a way to make him understand it's for the best. As long as CC's in limbo, then so are we...What do you mean, it's not up to him?...Are you telling me that...that butler...is not only her emergency contact but her next of kin and Power of Attorney as well?...That's absurd! Mommy would die if she knew CC was...consorting with a butler...Hmn. CC's always been contrary. Maybe that's why she did it. Contest this, Myron. Contest it."

As DD angrily slammed the phone back in its cradle, CC stared at her in disbelief. Ordering her lawyer to fight so that she could make CC's doctor pull the plug was a new low, even for DD. Thinking about it made CC shudder, and she quickly rose to her feet. It was time to get out of there.

She decided not to go see her mother.


	4. Chapter 4

The next couple of days were pretty quiet. CC spent them mostly bouncing between her hospital room, the townhouse, and the theatre. She had even once ventured to her penthouse, but it was so still and empty that she couldn't stay long. Usually, CC could take or leave the company of other people, but now she hated to be alone.

She found that she liked observing the people in her life performing their everyday tasks—Niles in his kitchen, the children doing their homework or watching TV, Maxwell seriously working, and even Nanny Fine flitting about spreading sunshine. CC had always envied that in her, like so many things. There was a lot about Nanny Fine that CC had wanted to be, but she just couldn't understand how.

Niles's visits continued, but she hadn't seen anyone else. CC kept hoping to see Maxwell come through the door or at least some sign that he actually cared that she might not wake up.

Also, she wondered where her friends were. There were a handful of them, all rich and snobby and deep down disliking her as much as she disliked them. Still, to keep up appearances, the thing to do would be to visit her or, at the very least, send a card or flowers. There had been nothing. Besides the flowers from her father and various business associates, the only thing CC had received were cards from the Fines and Val. CC was surprised and rather touched that they had taken the time when people claiming to be her friends had not.

Through it all, her body just lay there. Numerous tubes ran in and out of it, and machines beeped and wheezed rhythmically. At first, she had found the sound jarring, but now she found it rather soothing. Staring at herself was boring, but she couldn't stop doing it. For some reason, seeing herself that way was both horrifying and fascinating.

CC was staring at herself for the millionth time, wondering if there was anything she could do to make her body heal faster and wake up before she died of boredom, when the sound of the door made her turn. She expected Niles and wondered what he would say to her today.

Instead, she was surprised to see the Little One coming in.

Of course, she wasn't so little anymore. Grace had shot up over the past year, and it was obvious that she was going to be tall. She had secretly always been CC's favorite because she reminded her so much of herself. Too smart for her own good. Perceptive. Full of self-doubt. And there was the therapy, though it was looking as if Grace might actually outgrow hers. CC had to admit that was probably thanks to Nanny Fine.

The child came in hesitantly, a look of discomfort on her face. She looked around the room, her discomfort turning to sadness. Swallowing, she came forward, hugging a stuffed bear to her chest.

"Hi, Miss Babcock," Grace said quietly.

Curious, CC stepped closer, wondering why the child was there by herself.

"I'm sorry that you got hurt." Her eyes traveled over the bruises and the casts. "Fran says you can't wake up. That must be scary."

CC thought back across the last four or five days and had to admit to herself that occasionally she had been afraid.

"Niles said that no one would want to visit you because you have no friends," Grace continued. CC felt a stab of pain at the truth in those words. "When I was little and my Mom died, Niles gave me this teddy bear. He told me that every time I was scared or lonely, I should hug Teddy and I'd feel better. Teddy's never let me down. I want you to have him. I don't really need him anymore, not like you do."

Grace carefully lifted CC's arm, avoiding all the tubes and wires, and the edge of the blanket. She placed Teddy underneath and covered him before gently setting CC's arm over top of both him and the blanket.

CC felt a lump come to her throat. She tried to tell herself that she was made of stone, that a simple kind gesture by a child couldn't soften her but, in her heart, she knew it was a lie. CC had erected a wall between her and the children, but it wasn't tall enough or thick enough for her not to be affected.

"There." A small smile came to Grace's face and in its tenderness CC saw traces of Sarah.

The door to CC's room burst open, and a nasal voice said, "Gracie, there you are. Why did you disappear? I was so worried."

"It's all right, Fran. I found Miss Babcock's room."

Nanny Fine entered, followed closely by the Boy, whose arms were full of lilies, and the Big One.

"Man, she looks horrible," Brighton said conversationally.

"There are so many machines," Maggie added.

"They help her breathe and monitor her heart and lungs," Grace supplied.

Nanny Fine smiled and ran a hand over Grace's hair.

"Put the flowers and card on the table by the rest, B," Nanny Fine instructed.

"Lilies are my favorite flower," CC told her. "How did you know?"

The Boy did as he was asked , and Nanny Fine went to the bed. CC saw a look of pity flash over her face. One thing CC did not envy about the slim brunette was her inability to hide anything she was thinking or feeling. How vulnerable she must be. CC was terrified of being vulnerable. It only led to people hurting you over and over again.

Maggie moved closer and asked, "Do you think she's in there, Fran? Can she hear us?"

"I don't know, but it can't hurt to talk to her. I've heard that one of the most soothing things is the sound of another person's voice."

"Not yours," CC snorted but not maliciously.

"What do I say?"

"Tell her you miss her."

Maggie's eyes widened. "I do?"

"Niles is so boring without her," Brighton broke in. "I miss her."

"Who woulda thought their bickering would be almost comforting," Fran agreed with another smile.

"Do you think she's lonely, Fran?" The worried note was still in Grace's tone.

"There's lots of people here, sweetie."

"But those are doctors and nurses."

Fran hugged her. "Miss Babcock will be all right. I'm sure she has visitors...Maybe."

"Can we come again?"

"Sure. If you want to."

"Can we go now?" Maggie asked. "It's kind of creepy."

"Okay, tell Miss Babcock good-bye, kids."

"Bye," Maggie said. "I hope you get better soon."

"See ya," Brighton added. "And when you wake up, can you tell me where you hid my video camera?"

"B!" Nanny Fine protested.

"What? She caught me taping her and took it. If she doesn't wake up, I'll never find out where she put it."

"That's enough saying good-bye. Gracie?"

Grace reached out and brushed CC's hand. "Take care of Teddy."

The children all filed out, the two older ones bickering, and Grace following meekly behind.

Nanny Fine paused and said, "You'll be fine, Miss Babcock. You'll see. Don't give up."

XXX

That afternoon, craving normalcy, CC left the hospital to once more watch Maxwell work. She appeared in the foyer where Nanny Fine was saying good-bye to her mother. Sylvia had a covered dish in her hands and, from the size, CC assumed she was carrying a cake.

CC walked past them, wondering why she hadn't appeared in the office. She had been thinking of Maxwell, and that was normally how it worked.

As she entered the lounge area, she saw Niles. He was dusting silently, and it was plain his thoughts were a million miles away. Maxwell was also in the room, which was unusual for that time of the day.

Niles dusted slowly, not paying any attention to Maxwell, almost as if he were as invisible as CC.

Maxwell didn't seem to notice. He was reading something, though his book was tipped and CC couldn't tell what. At the moment, she was more interested in Niles and the strange blank expression on his face.

She went up to him, close enough to touch him if she could. The comforting scent of Old Spice, cinnamon, and Lemon Pledge surrounded her, making her smile.

The lines in his face seemed deeper, and his eyes looked tired. There was no hint of his characteristic smirk.

CC studied him for several seconds, just watching him work.

"You know, Molly Maid, the left side of my bed could use a dusting when you're through," she commented quietly, wishing there were a way Niles could hear her and react. Of course, there wasn't, and he just moved on to the piano. CC trailed behind him, suddenly wanting to hear his voice. It was unnatural for him to be so quiet; he got through his days by being sarcastic and snarky—much like CC herself. Unlike CC, though, he had a good heart and would die for any of the others living under the same roof. CC doubted the same could be said for her. Surely, her own heart must be dried up and shriveled.

Not liking the direction her thoughts were going, she turned from Niles and went towards Maxwell. He was still reading, oblivious to the room around him. Sometimes CC wondered about that obliviousness. It was almost as if he used it purposefully to put distance between himself and the world. Occasionally, she got the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake him violently, yelling in his face to wake the hell up.

"Well, that's two hours of my life I won't get back again," Nanny Fine commented, coming into the room.

Maxwell glanced up, and he seemed to...focus. No matter what CC did, he never looked at her that way. He never really saw her. Biting her lip, CC considered that he might not even notice she was gone from his life.

At Nanny Fine's entrance, Niles stopped dusting. "She took the cake, didn't she?"

Nanny Fine smiled. "Of course."

"Chocolate?" Maxwell offered.

Niles echoed Nanny Fine. "Of course."

CC was pleased to see a hint of a smile come to his face.

"Oh, sir," Niles continued, "I have to go out. I need to buy some cinnamon."

"All right, Niles. That's fine."

Nanny Fine frowned. "Didn't you pick up cinnamon yesterday?"

Niles stopped, paused, and blinked before answering, "No. That was cardamom."

"You sure?"

"Yes." Then he left the room without waiting for her reply.

Nanny Fine turned and watched him go, a thoughtful look on her face. "Mr. Sheffield, do you think...?"

"Do I think what, Miss Fine?"

She waved her hand. "Never mind. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Suddenly, her face was as serious as CC had ever seen it. Maxwell must have noticed, too, because he put his book aside.

"Certainly. Is there something wrong with one of the children?"

She shook her head and perched on the arm of his chair. "No."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't want you to get angry."

"Miss Fine, a good way to make me angry is to tell me not to get angry."

"I know...it's just that..."

Nanny Fine was speechless. This intrigued CC, and she moved closer to hear their conversation.

"It's about Miss Babcock."

CC gasped in surprise. What could Nanny Fine have to say about her?

Maxwell's face immediately closed off. "I don't want to talk about Miss Babcock."

"Hear me out."

He scowled at her. "If I must."

"I want to know why you refused to come to the hospital with me and the kids. Isn't Miss Babcock your friend? Don't you care about her?"

Maxwell's eyes snapped. "Of course I care. I'm British not made of stone."

CC's mouth fell open at his words.

Nanny Fine continued, "I don't understand why you won't go see her. Don't you think it's important that you show her you want her to come back to us?"

"You're right, Miss Fine. You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me."

"This is none of your business."

"When has that ever stopped me?"

Maxwell looked away from her and sighed. "I've known CC for a long time...Almost twenty years. She's like a sister to me, Miss Fine—a younger, irritating, embarrassingly brilliant, aggravating, infuriating, silly, sometimes childish little sister—and I...I love her very much."

CC blinked and her chest seized at his declaration. Her suddenly weak knees couldn't hold her, and she backed up to sit heavily on the couch.

Maxwell ran a hand slowly over his face before continuing, "You want me to go see her? Just like that? I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I can't watch her die. I promised myself I'd never watch someone I love die ever again."

Understanding lit the nanny's face. "This is about Sarah."

"I never want to go through that again. I'll never fall in love with CC...not in the way I'm beginning to realize she might think she wants me to, but that doesn't mean I don't care deeply for her. With my parents and Joscelyn and Nigel all in England, the people in this house are the only family I have."

Nanny Fine reached out and gently touched his face. "Won't you regret not saying good bye?"

"You make it sound so simple..."

"Just think about it. I think it will help Miss Babcock heal if she knows we miss her."

"We?"

"Hey, I remember what it was like around here that time she quit...Besides, I'm used to her."

A ghost of a smile touched Maxwell's face. "I'll think about it."

"Good."

She bent down and kissed the top of his head gently, as if he were one of the children. CC only noticed this absently. Her mind was whirling from what he'd said. She'd never known. All those years she'd thought Maxwell just needed to notice her to realize her suitability. In reality, he'd known she was there and, even though he'd dismissed her, he dismissed her out of love and not out of indifference.

CC didn't know how to feel. Should she be happy that he cared for her? Should she be angry that he refused to see her as more than an annoying little sister? Should she be pleased that he thought she was brilliant? Should she be crushed because it was suddenly brutally apparent that he would never, ever fall in love with her?

Hurt and confused, CC's face fell into her hand. It all made sense now, and she wished it didn't. Without the possibility of Maxwell, what did she have to live for? Spending the rest of her life alone was more terrifying than death.

She shuddered, feeling overwhelmed.

"Come on, Mr. Sheffield. I'll make you a sandwich."

CC heard the words as if from far away, and she barely noticed Maxwell and Nanny Fine get up and leave the room as she remained slumped with her face resting in her hand.

XXX

When CC got back to her hospital room, the scent of Lemon Pledge lingered in the air. It was obvious that she'd just missed Niles. The thought saddened her further, and she let herself practically fall in a seated position at the bottom of her bed.

Teddy was on the outside now, she noticed, tucked under her good arm as if she were a little girl. Her blankets had been straightened and tightened , and CC idly wondered if Niles or the nurse was the one to thank for that.

Her bruises were lightening. Soon, they would fade and her broken bones would knit. The stitches hidden by the thin blanket would heal the flesh beneath.

Still, the machines kept breathing for her, kept eating for her, kept forcing her to go on.

"Don't wake up," she said quietly. "Stay blissfully asleep. Better yet, just stop. Stop breathing. Stop beating. Stop being."

The only sounds in the room were those of her respirator, IV pump, and monitors. CC wondered what it would be like if they were to stop one at a time. What would that beautiful silence be like?

Unable to look at her face anymore, CC turned away. Something on the cast on her arm caught her eye, and she frowned. Was that writing?

Getting up, she went around the bed to have a closer look and discovered it really was writing. Four different lines of it, done in thin black marker. CC recognized the handwriting before she even read what it said.

"Where is your broom?"

"I was here visiting someone else, but, since it's obvious you have no friends, I thought I'd come in."

"That must have been some night."

"I'm sure you'll have more visitors once the next ship is in port."

CC gasped as her eyes started to sting. Warmth replaced some of the coldness in her chest, and she chuckled through her tears. That Niles.

Of course she didn't want to die. Not really. She ran her fingers over the words. If she did, how would she know what her butler boy was going to do next?


	5. Chapter 5

Audition day was usually an exciting day for CC. She loved weeding through all the hopefuls to find the perfect person for each part. Maxwell often listened to her recommendations, and the cast was always better for it.

As CC entered the lounge area of the townhouse, she was nervous for the first time. She didn't like leaving the cast choices to Maxwell; his judgment was often swayed by emotions.

CC had been avoiding the house for a couple of days, still unsure how she felt about Maxwell's revelation. Still, this was business, and her name was going to be associated with the production. She had pushed personal feelings aside, determined to somehow will Maxwell into making the right decisions.

The room was full of practicing chorus girls. Brighton and Niles were also in the room, of course. They could always be found where there were half naked women. Maxwell might be the Boy's biological father, but Brighton was more like Niles than either of his parents.

CC was especially worried about the new production since their current one was having so many problems. She had spent the better part of the past two days at the theatre, and the lack of a strong hand was showing. She would give anything to be able to go in there, guns blazing, and clean house. It was frustrating to have to watch everything without being able to fix what was wrong. Sometimes she thought that was what would kill her, not her injuries.

The girls were all pretty, CC decided, looking them over. She just hoped Maxwell would have sense enough to hire one that could act. Sometimes he, like most men, fell victim to his "little producer", and CC was left to pick up the pieces. Only this time, she couldn't.

Niles was looking at the actresses with obvious admiration. He was just a step up from the Boy who was ogling them obviously with his mouth open. It was rather amusing, and CC wished she could tease Niles about it.

With a smile, she patted his arm and continued back towards the office. Around her, the girls were singing, chatting, and making funny noises as they did face exercises.

The door to Maxwell's office was closed and CC winced, knowing she'd have to go through it. It had been about a week since her accident, but this was one thing she just couldn't seem to get used to.

Closing her eyes, she forced herself to go through without hesitating. As she did, she heard Maxwell's stressed and panicked voice and Nanny Fine's high pitched nasal one trying to calm him.

"Where are the headshots, Miss Fine?"

"I don't know. Niles had them. Didn't he bring them to you?"

"He said he put them on the desk. They aren't here."

"Are you sure?"

CC opened her eyes to see both of them frantically digging through a pile of paperwork.

"Where did all this paper come from, anyway? Scripts all over the furniture. Bills and forms all over the desk. What the devil is going on?"

"Calm down, Mr. Sheffield. You just have to get organized."

"I am organized!"

CC's eyes widened. Had it been this way a few months before when she'd quit? Had he been this stressed? This messy? No wonder he had taken her back, no questions asked.

Nanny Fine grabbed him and gave him a little shake. "Get yourself together."

He sighed and took off his glasses. Tiredly, he ran a hand over his eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry. CC just makes all of this seem so easy."

"What did you do before you hired Miss Babcock?"

"It's been so long, I don't remember."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Sir?"

CC moved out of the way so Niles wouldn't go through her when he came in.

"What is it?"

Niles opened the door and calmly strode through the spot CC had just been.

"The natives are getting restless, sir. Are you almost ready to start?"

"Niles, where are the bloody headshots?"

Niles frowned. "The headshots?"

"Yes, man! Where did you put them?"

"Right here, sir. Right where I told you." He went over to the green couch and picked up a pile of pictures. He walked to the desk and held them out to Maxwell.

"Oh," Maxwell said sheepishly, taking them. "Tell them it'll be another few minutes, will you, old man?"

"Certainly, sir."

CC watched the scene unfold with a feeling akin to fascinated horror. Where was her decisive, efficient Maxwell? She supposed if she were there in body, she would feel extremely smug at the evidence of how much he needed her. Since she wasn't and there was no way she could possibly swoop in and save him from making a mess of things, being smug was the last thing on her mind.

With an irritated huff, CC let herself drop onto the couch to wait for the show to begin.

XXX

CC burst into the kitchen feeling frustrated and craving...something. She didn't know what. All she knew was usually when she felt like this, she grabbed something from the kitchen, sparred a little with Niles, and then was ready to calmly start again.

Niles was rolling pie crust. His suit jacket was tossed across the back of a chair, his tie was gone, and his shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Flour coated his hands and forearms.

There was a look of concentration on his face as he carefully exerted pressure on the rolling pin. Such a simple task, but he performed it as if it were the most important thing in the world.

CC strode across the room, wondering if this was what she craved—Niles in his own space, doing ordinary things. There was certainly something calming about the way he methodically worked the dough. Without being able to eat or drink, this was the only thing the kitchen could offer her.

Was this what she had always craved? Was having a spat with Niles soothing to her, somehow? And did that mean she was even more sick and twisted than she thought she was?

Niles was focused and his hands were sure and confident in their actions. His prowess was attractive, and it didn't matter that there was a dusting of flour over his cheekbone or a bit of lard on his shirt.

He started singing softly to himself in time to his strokes. It was a very sad song, probably country from the melody, but CC didn't recognize it.

She felt herself smile slightly as her angst over Maxwell's choices began to melt away. The rhythm of his rolling and the cadence of his voice reached inside of her, smoothing out all of her hard edges. Enjoying the feeling, and knowing she couldn't cause any damage, CC turned and lifted herself onto the counter beside the dough. She was so close that she could touch both it and him, and that Niles's hand would go right through her thigh if he altered his trajectory even a little bit.

CC was almost disappointed when he moved away to get a pie plate and gently draped the dough inside it. She watched curiously, wondering what kind of pie he was making.

"Niles?" Nanny Fine's grating voice cut through CC's bubble of peace and she winced.

"I'm in the kitchen, Miss Fine," he said absently, slipping the crust into the oven.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked, coming in. "There are still two girls out there."

He turned from the stove and smiled. "Mr. Sheffield wanted me to bake a pie for dessert, and it's getting late."

"I don't ever remember it taking this long before."

He made a face. "I guess Miss Babcock has her uses."

"Speaking of Miss Babcock, did you pick up those things they asked you to when you went to get Chester?"

"You mean her broom and coffin?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"No. I thought they'd be too large."

"So, you didn't bring anything?"

"Not yet."

"I can go get something, if you want. You don't have to."

A strange expression went over his face. "It's all right, Miss Fine. I've just been putting it off. Being there, in her lair, with her things, just..." He shuddered. "I was planning on going back to do it tonight."

"Are you sure? The kids are all out of the house for the night, and Val—believe it or not—has a date."

"There's no need for you to put yourself out. The gorilla chose to make me responsible for her, and so I will be."

Nanny Fine put her hands on her hips and studied him before saying, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

She nodded. "Okay." Coming over to the counter until she was right in front of CC, she asked, "So, what kind of pie are you making?"

Niles seemed almost relieved at the change of subject. "Coconut cream, but it won't be ready for awhile."

"Yum." She leaned against the counter, her arm almost close enough to brush CC's thigh. "You know, Ma makes a mean coconut cream pie, but it's nowhere near as good as yours."

"Really? What's her recipe?"

CC groaned, not prepared to listen to a conversation about Sylvia that would start out discussing recipes and end up...well, who knew where? Finding aggravation preferable, she hopped off the counter and went to find out if Maxwell's final decisions were as bad as she was afraid they'd be.

XXX

Several hours later, CC was in her penthouse waiting for Niles. As she sat on the couch in the dark, she wondered why it had taken him several days to fulfill her doctor's request. It couldn't have been because he was busy. After all, he had managed to sneak away for a little each day to visit her in the hospital. Plus, he had already been in the penthouse once to retrieve Chester. The only reason she could figure was that he didn't want to be in her apartment with her things, but she didn't know why. She supposed that he might really find the thought of being there creepy, as he'd told Nanny Fine, but usually when he used that exaggerated shudder he was either lying or kidding.

The rattle of keys broke her from her thoughts, and she blinked rapidly when Niles came in and turned on the light. The room felt cold and barren to her after being gone so long. It was decorated tastefully but there was no color and no life. The stark white and black of it was jarring, and the few pictures were ones that had come with the expensive frames. There were exceptions in her bedroom, where she had a picture of her and Noel as children, a publicity still of Maxwell, and a picture of her and Niles taken one Christmas. The two of them were both smiling and CC had lied to herself and said she framed it because it was a nice picture of her. Now, she could admit that she liked seeing the two of them happy together. It showed the friendship they all too often hid with fighting, teasing, and pranks.

Niles paused at the door, and he clenched his hands briefly before his eyes started searching the room. He was probably wondering what, in all that sterility, would be worth bringing for her to see if she woke. CC didn't know if she'd be able to figure it out herself if given the task. Work took so much of her time that she didn't have much left over to get attached to personal things.

Finally, he stepped into the room and clucked as he ran a finger through the dust on a bookcase she had near the door. It was obvious that her maid hadn't bothered to come that week and, though it was neat, her penthouse was slightly dusty.

"I should have come earlier," he muttered under his breath.

He walked over to the couch and bent to look at the pictures on the table behind. He was so close that CC could smell his scent and feel his warmth. It seemed to drive some of the chill in the room away.

"What lovely friends you have, Miss Babcock," he smirked, his breath brushing her face.

It smelled like mints and felt like a butterfly caress. CC gasped. It was the first thing she'd felt that wasn't her own body since the accident. Quickly, she reached up and put one of her hands directly in front of his face. His breath tickled her palm, and she moved it closer. The sensation was not as strong as it would have been if she had flesh, but she could definitely feel it. She wondered if that meant she could also feel wind. She hadn't been outside for more than a few minutes since leaving her body, and she couldn't remember noticing if she had felt the air around her.

Niles turned away to study the coffee table, and CC immediately missed the first human contact she'd had in days.

She watched him as he flipped through the magazines. He grimaced at her selection before straightening and moving towards the shelves.

CC leaned against the back of the couch and watched Niles as he leaned down to check the bottom shelf. The fabric of his dress pants pulled tight, and she smiled at the view. Secretly, CC had always admired Niles's backside, and she'd enjoyed her brief glances of it over the years.

When Niles straightened, he had a photo album in his hand. Surprise made her forget about checking out his ass. She had completely forgotten about that album; it was something she'd put together when she was Grace's age.

Niles flipped it open and studied the pages. His eyes widened and his expression softened as he brushed his fingers briefly over one of the photographs.

Suddenly, he scowled and snapped the book shut, tucking it under his arm. Looking stormy, he rifled through the rest of the stuff on the shelves—mostly books on the theatre and awards.

Niles was still frowning when he went deeper into the apartment. CC jumped up from the couch to follow him.

She wasn't sure how she felt about Niles touching her things. Would it feel strange or too intimate? Would she feel judged or embarrassed? Unless Chester had been hiding there the other night, Niles had never been in her bedroom. What would it be like to have him there?

Unwilling to have him in there alone, even though she couldn't do anything to change his actions, she hurried behind.

It was easy to catch up. He had opened the door to her bedroom and stopped, staring into the huge room with the silk-lined bed big enough to fit six people. (Though, sadly, most of the time there was only CC and Chester.)

The bedroom was slightly warmer than the living room, done in deep burgundy and dark brown instead of black and white. There was a Monet on the wall and a few personal pictures.

Another bookcase joined her dresser along one wall, both of them handcrafted mahogany. The books there were fiction, and the clothes in the dresser were mostly pajamas and delicates. The rest of her clothes were in her walk-in closet.

CC saw the room as if for the first time, thinking about how it looked through Niles's eyes. She wondered if he noticed the small stuffed dog on the bed or the snowglobe of Paris on the vanity.

"Hello, Miss Babcock," he said quietly as he finally entered.

He stopped again almost immediately and closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. CC wondered what he was doing.

"It's just a bedroom," she commented crossly. "I know you haven't seen many, at least not women's, but you must have seen some. You pick up after Nanny Fine after all."

Niles opened his eyes and went over to her vanity. When he saw the picture of Maxwell, he rolled his eyes, and CC felt her cheeks start to heat. He made a tsking sound, and CC wanted to defensively tell him that he shouldn't be surprised. It was no secret that she had designs on Maxwell...at least, she used to. After hearing his declaration to Nanny Fine, CC had started to rethink her feelings for him. As she watched him work throughout the day, with her discovery fresh in her mind, she came to realize that she was okay with him not being able to fall in love with her. In fact, she might not be as in love with him as she'd thought. It was slowly starting to sink in that it might actually be the thought of Maxwell—the dream of possible happiness—that she was in love with.

Niles started gently touching her things. His fingers trailed over her hairbrush and make up cases and even the snowglobe. When they got to her perfume, he picked it up and opened the top. He sniffed it and smiled slightly before putting the stopper back in and dropping the bottle into his pocket.

CC stared at him in disbelief. "What was that, Feather Duster? Did you just _steal _my perfume? Thinking of crossdressing are we?"

Niles crossed the room and she heard him draw in a sharp breath as he saw the picture of the two of them together on the nightstand.

"Don't read too much into it. I had an empty frame."

He picked the frame up and stared at the picture. CC saw his knuckles turn white as he gripped it, though his expression didn't change.

"Nothing to see here. Time to move on," she prodded.

Eventually, Niles gave a little shake of his head and tucked the picture under his arm with the album.

When he went to the dresser, she could tell he was suddenly in a hurry. He picked up the small crystal butterfly her father had given her for her last birthday and looked it all over. Nodding to himself, he opened the top drawer in her dresser but quickly closed it again when he saw her underthings. He tried another drawer took out a simple black pajama top.

"Now, what are you doing?" she asked.

Her question was answered when he carefully wrapped the shirt around the fragile butterfly and then quickly left the room. CC trailed behind him, wondering what he would do next.

She was slightly disappointed when he turned out the lights and left the penthouse.


	6. Chapter 6

CC sat alone on the beach. She was hugging her legs close to her body, and her chin was on her knees. She couldn't feel the sand beneath her, but the warm wind that gently played with her hair was like a caress. It felt wonderful. After days of only feeling warmth and chill—and her own skin—to be able to feel the soft breeze seemed like a miracle.

For the first time in a very long time, CC felt what could best be described as joy. It brought a smile to her face as she closed her eyes.

Even though there were no people, the beach was far from silent. She could hear the waves as they crashed against the shore and the cry of shorebirds as they ran across the sand. The wind itself made a noise as it rustled leaves on the trees behind her, and it whistled softly against her ear.

CC was not one to feel content. Every day of her life, she was driven—to be the best, to chase after a million different things. It was almost a surprise that she even remembered how to be still.

"Daddy, Daddy, look!" The voice came not from the beach but from the past as one of her few happy childhood memories bubbled to the surface.

Her father had been young then, younger than CC was now, his hair dark and thick. He'd rented a house in the Hamptons for a week for him and the children—and Nanny Bobo, of course—and refused to even think about work while they were there.

She saw herself running across the sand with a sea shell in her hand. Her father had picked her up and swung her around, his arms feeling strong and loving.

Even DD had been bearable that week as she spent most of her time sunning on the beach with a book in her hands.

The moment her father picked her up and held her was frozen there behind her eyelids. For that moment, she had felt so loved, so happy. How had she forgotten?

It had been pushed aside, she supposed, like the memories of the endless hours of exploration and play with Noel and her sister letting her lie on the blanket beside her in the sun.

Feeling the breeze, hearing the waves, and smelling the faint salty tang of the water brought it all back so clearly she could almost touch it. They'd nearly been a family that week, but the togetherness ended with the vacation. Her father went back to work, DD went back to treating her as if she were fungus, and Noel went back to boarding school.

The smile dropped from her face, and CC felt sadness wash over her. Sadness for the dreams and hopes of that little girl and sadness for the way her life had unfolded. One week of trying didn't make up for a lifetime of indifference.

With a sigh, she opened her eyes and felt tears trickling down her cheeks. For the first time in a long time, she was seeing things clearly. Without the haze of alcohol, she seemed to feel more deeply. She was starting to realize that she had spent most of her life blind and numb. She didn't know which was worse, feeling emotions she had refused herself for so long or feeling nothing at all.

XXX

"Good morning!" Niles's voice was cheery as he entered her hospital room with his arms full.

CC had been sitting on her bed, literally talking to herself. In a way, it was almost therapeutic to say aloud the things that had gone through her mind during her night on the beach and to describe the amazing sunrise that had flowed across the water after it was through to wash over her, leaving her with a sense of awe.

At Niles's appearance, she got up and eyed him curiously. When he moved further into the room, she circled him, studying the things in his arms. She was particularly amused by the broom handle tucked up near his chin.

"I brought some things to line your new lair," he said in a falsely sweet voice.

CC smiled, knowing the broom probably wasn't his only surprise.

Niles started humming as he placed the stuff in his arms in the chair by her bed. Then he bent to study her face. CC lifted an eyebrow, wondering what he was doing. She watched with increasing curiosity as he knelt slightly and put his head as close to hers as he could.

"What are you doing, Butler Boy?"

He got to his feet and crossed the room, snatching something out of the chair as he went. CC followed him closely, being careful not to get in his way.

Niles fussed with the table that held her flowers and cards, first repositioning it and then rearranging its contents. Understanding made CC roll her eyes when he placed a picture carefully next to her faded red book. It was a picture of Maxwell and Nanny Fine hugging. They were smiling and their eyes were shining. It would be the first thing CC saw when she woke up.

"You...You are a devious little man," she commented, wagging her finger at him.

Almost as if he heard her, Niles smirked and chuckled. He continued to hum as he propped the broom up in the corner by the window.

"Here's your broom," he said turning to her body, "in case you want to make a quick get away.'

Moving to the window, he fished in his pocket and drew out a tissue-wrapped bundle. As he unfolded it, CC saw small flashes of light before her crystal butterfly was revealed. Niles sat it on the windowsill where it sparkled and sent rays of bright color around the room. Until that moment, CC hadn't realized how pretty it was.

The chair was almost empty now. There were just three more things piled there—her photo album, an upside down picture frame, and a little bit of white cloth. Niles picked up the photo album first and flipped it open. His eyes softened at whatever he saw there, and CC curiously got close to him again to see what he was looking at.

It was a simple picture of a blond little girl being held tightly by an elegant woman dressed in white with an attractive but floppy hat on her head and gloves on her hands.

"That's my Grandmama," CC told Niles quietly, speaking right in his ear. "She used to let me help her work in her garden. I loved going to visit her. She was the only one who ever had time for me. She died when I was twelve."

Leaving the album open to the page, Niles went over to her bedside table. Carefully rearranging things, he made a spot for the small open book.

He went back to the chair, drawing CC's attention from her grandmother's face. When he picked up the picture, she saw it was the one of them from her nightstand. Niles paused and slowly looked around the room. CC was actually surprised that he'd brought the picture, and she wasn't sure if it was meant to tease her or to support her. With Niles, it was sometimes hard to tell.

He ended up placing it on the far left of the table, near the cards from Sylvia and Val. Once he was satisfied with its placement, Niles went back to the bed.

"Hello, Teddy," he said, picking up the bear. He gazed fondly at it for a moment, and CC wondered what memories it evoked. She knew how much he loved Maxwell's children, especially Grace. After Sarah died and before Nanny Fine arrived, he'd been the child's primary caregiver and, if CC were being honest, more of a father than Maxwell could be at that point in his life. She didn't know if the Little One remembered, but CC remembered it clearly. She wasn't quite as oblivious as some people assumed.

He brought Teddy over to the chair and bent to pick up the bit of cloth. When he did, CC noticed the scent of Lemon Pledge got slightly stronger, and her eyes widened. Niles carefully unfolded what turned out to be one of his handkerchiefs. If her nose was right, he had sprayed it with Lemon Pledge—the scent she most strongly associated with him. CC watched as he formed the hankie into a tiny bandana and tied it around Teddy's neck.

"You old softie," CC said quietly as he tucked Teddy on the pillow beside her body.

"There you go, Miss Babcock. All the comforts of home. Sorry I didn't have room for your cauldron...and sorry I wasn't allowed to bring hay for you to snack on. Hospital food will have to do." He smirked, his eyes twinkling, and patted her shoulder. "See you tomorrow."

CC rolled her eyes, but she couldn't fight the answering smirk that came to her face.

XXX

CC leaned against the nurses' station watching her father. He was standing in front of her hospital room clutching a long white box, and it was obvious that he couldn't go any further. Ten minutes had gone by since CC had discovered him there, and he hadn't moved.

She knew what it was like to be outside the door. The way it felt. The insecurity that kept you there. The loneliness it implied. She had never expected to see these things in her father.

The loneliness was not apparent, but the hesitation, the nervousness, that was there in his face. The expression softened him, making him seem more reachable.

CC couldn't believe that he was actually there. She hadn't expected him to come. With Stewart Babcock, there was always an excuse, always something more important.

"Stewie!" The voice cut through the solemn air of the hospital like a chainsaw.

CC's father started and flushed. He turned as Nanny Fine crossed the room, looking dazzling in a short and tight multicolored dress.

"Hi, Fran." He smiled. "How have you been?"

"No complaints," she replied, linking arms with him. "You're here to see Miss Babcock?"

"Yes. I brought her flowers."

"Oh, roses. Classy."

"I hope she likes them. I don't even know what her favorite flower is. Hell, that Barbra Streisand concert was the most time I've spent with her in the past twenty years. What does that say about me as a father?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Miss Babcock isn't an easy person to get close to."

"Sometimes I think I should have tried harder."

"There's still time."

His smile dropped a little and he suddenly looked pensive again. "But what if there isn't?"

She hugged his arm. "I'm sure there will be."

"I hope you're right, Fran."

"Now's a good time to start. Why are you standing out here in the hallway?"

"I'm afraid to go in." The brutal honesty in his voice made CC's stomach clench.

Nanny Fine patted his back gently and kindly said, "I was just going in to say hello. Why don't we go in together?"

Relief touched his features. "Yes. I think we should."

CC followed them into the room and watched her father's gaze land everywhere but on the bed. Nanny Fine took the roses from him and went forward.

"Hi, Miss Babcock. Look who came to visit. And he brought you these gorgeous flowers."

CC absently noticed Nanny Fine go over and replace the old roses with the new. Most of her attention was on her father. He was frozen at the door.

Finally, he said quietly, "I don't know if I can do this, Fran."

"Sure you can." She came over and led him to the bed. "She's your daughter. You love her. Talk to her."

He looked down at CC's body and she saw his face pale. "She seems...broken."

CC's appearance suddenly embarrassed her. She always wanted to be as perfect as she could for him, even though it was never enough. The two clunky casts and sickly pallor were far from perfect.

"Hey, kitten," her father continued, awkwardly patting her arm. "Don't you worry. This is a great hospital. You'll be right as rain before you know it."

"They started therapy this week," Nanny Fine commented.

CC remembered the young man who came in to move her body around. She hadn't liked watching it—and she hadn't liked his forgetting to put Teddy back on the bed.

Her father glanced at Nanny Fine. "That must mean they have some hope."

"There's always hope, Stewie."

"But look at her...What will I do if she doesn't wake up?"

"Ptooey!" Nanny Fine pretended to spit. "Don't even say that. Do you want to put that out there?"

"I can't help thinking this must be my fault somehow."

"Your fault?" CC and Nanny Fine said in chorus.

"It's punishment for not spending enough time with my children."

Nanny Fine frowned. "The only person at fault here is that schmegeggy that plowed into her. Listen, Miss Babcock is tough. It's gonna take a lot more than this to bring her down. She'll nap. She'll heal. Then she'll come out with fists flying and blame it all on Niles."

"You think so?"

She nodded. "Sure."

"I hope you're right, Fran. I'm really going to make the effort this time. If she wakes up, I'm really going to be there."

"Yeah, right." CC scoffed, dropping down into her chair. "And I have a tower in London that would look great in your back yard."

XXX

"Ma, would you slow down on that cake already? You look like a chipmunk," Nanny Fine said with a note of amused horror in her voice.

The week was winding down, and CC had been hanging around the mansion hoping for some word on the backer's party for the newest show. All she learned was that it would be the next night and that Maxwell would be accompanied by Nanny Fine.

As so often over the last two weeks, CC found herself drawn to the kitchen. Going in, she discovered Niles working and Nanny Fine visiting with her mother at the table. Usually making that kind of discovery would have forced CC into grabbing a bottle of water and fleeing, but she had changed since the accident. Instead of fleeing, she entered and took an empty seat at the table.

"Who are you, the cake police?" Sylvia asked, taking another large bite.

Niles glanced at them and smirked before going back to wiping the counter.

"You're right. If your mouth is full, you can't talk. Have some more."

"Is that any way to talk to your mother? I came all the way over here to tell you about Mrs. Starr's son's divorce, and this is the kind of thanks I get?"

"The cake's not to your liking?" Niles asked.

"Oh, no, Niles. It's delicious, as always. It would be even better with a side of pie."

"You finished off the rest of the pie yesterday."

"Will you be making more?"

"Ma!" Nanny Fine protested.

"What? Isn't making pies part of his job?"

"I'm not sure I'll have time today," Niles admitted. "But I was thinking of making one tomorrow. Any preferences?"

Sylvia smiled widely. "Surprise me."

He smiled back at her affectionately.

CC felt a brief flash of envy. She usually got the amused smirk, but it was extremely rare for her to get the gentle smile of affection. He usually saved that for the people he freely admitted to liking.

As to whether he actually liked CC, she wasn't really sure. Sometimes she thought he did and his jokes and pranks were both despite and because of it. Other times, when he went too far, when he deliberately hurt her, she didn't know how he possibly could. Most of the time, she had to believe his feelings for her were as ambiguous as hers were for him. Maybe some days he kind of liked her and others he despised her. It was hard to tell and, knowing the two of them, they'd probably never have a conversation serious enough to find out.

The phone rang, and Niles left his dishcloth on the counter to go answer it.

"Sheffield residence."

CC was watching his face, and she was surprised at the expression that crossed it.

"Yes," he said, his voice gruff. "This is Niles the butler...She is doing as well as can be expected...She is allowed visitors, Miss Peterson. Have you considered...Oh, yes, of course."

Melissa Peterson was one of CC's friends. She was richer, prettier, thinner, and snobbier, and the only reason she tolerated CC was to lord over her how perfect her life was. CC was surprised she had even bothered to call. Of all her so called friends, Melissa was the one CC least expected to care.

"No," Niles continued, "she hasn't woken...Are you sure you won't reconsider? The doctor says...Of course you are. I'm sure Miss Babcock would understand...A what?...You want me to ask her about a what?"

Niles's mouth turned down in an angry line, and his voice got slightly sharp.

"Miss Peterson, I'm sure Miss Babcock's first thought upon waking up will not be about the mink stole you left in her apartment...No, I will not go look for it...You'll just have to wait until she's well enough and ask her yourself. Good-bye."

His eyes were flashing by the time he hung up the phone, and all three women in the kitchen were staring at him in shock.

He looked at Sylvia and Nanny Fine and said shortly, "I have to go out. Tell Mr. Sheffield I'll be back in time to make dinner."

He left the room abruptly, going out the back door. Nanny Fine watched him go and shook her head.

"It's so sad."

"What is?"

"Every day, he uses an excuse to go out to see her."

"Miss Babcock?"

"Yeah. She made him responsible for her, and he's taking the responsibility seriously, but he doesn't want everyone to know. He's still letting on that he hates her and doesn't care if she wakes up or not."

"Them two have a weird relationship."

"You're telling me."

Sylvia took another forkful of cake. "So, how is Miss Babcock doing?"

Nanny Fine looked down at the table. "I don't know, Ma."

"Is she still asleep?"

"Yeah. The doctor says it could be days...weeks...even months before she's ready to wake up."

"Do you think she will?"

"I hope so."

CC had been considering following Niles, but Nanny Fine's words caught her attention.

"Me, too. She's lost, that one. She should have a chance to find her way."

"You like her?"

The same surprised thought flashed through CC's head.

"Not everyone's had the same privileges we've had. You know that, Fran. I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have a loving family...and yes, most of the time, I like her."

As Nanny Fine and Sylvia's conversation switched to the newly divorced Mr. Starr, CC found herself turning Sylvia's words concerning her over in her mind. She couldn't remember ever giving Nanny Fine's mother a reason to like her.

CC had spent a long time alone. She'd cut herself off from everyone and everything. She knew she was both unlikeable and unloveable. Still, somehow, people liked her. People loved her. Against all odds, she had people to turn to. CC was starting to realize that her lonely exile had been self inflicted. She'd been reaching for acceptance in the wrong direction. Instead of seeking approval in the eyes of the Melissa Petersons of the world, it was time she started discovering it in the Frans and Sylvias instead. It was time to make a new kind of friend.

CC made a vow to try to make herself a little more open and a little more reachable when she woke up.

Maybe she wouldn't have to be alone.


	7. Chapter 7

CC was back to her room before Niles showed up. His face still looked stormy, and his eyes were snapping. He came in, went over to the bed, and crossed his arms.

Looking down, he said, "You live to torture me, don't you?"

"Well, it is fun," CC quipped.

He continued looking down on her, as if expecting an answer. CC crossed her own arms and raised an eyebrow. She had no idea why Melissa's call had riled him up, but she was both curious and amused.

"That was the whole point behind giving me your Power of Attorney and making me your next of kin, wasn't it? You knew I'd have to deal with all the certifiably mad people in your life." His voice was stern. She'd heard him speak to the children, especially Brighton, in that very same tone. "I got a call today from a woman who wanted me to go to your penthouse and search it for a wrap. A wrap! Like I had time to run right over at her order. If it's not crazy phone calls, it's dealing with your neurotic family. I can see why you didn't pick someone you like for this job...Not that you like anyone."

He dropped his arms and sighed. "Don't you have any normal friends, friends that will call and ask how you are doing?"

"You don't know my friends, do you, Niles?"

The anger and irritation had gone now from his face, and he turned away to pick up Teddy from the bedside table. Every day, her therapist moved it, and every day Niles moved it back.

Once it was safely on her pillow, Niles sat in the chair. CC had been about to sit there herself, so she jumped out of the way. She wasn't quite quick enough and his arm went through hers. She felt a jolt, unlike anything she'd felt when going through an inanimate object. It wasn't unpleasant. There was an instant of tingling warmth, then it was gone.

"Miss Babcock, you've got to stop this foolishness and wake up."

"Tell me how, Hazel, and I'll be glad to." She perched on the chair arm beside him.

"You do know there's a backer's party tomorrow night...and that he's taking Miss Fine. You're going to lose your hold on him."

"Oh, Niles...Dear, sweet, misguided Niles, if you only knew what I've seen over the past two weeks...Only one thing bothers me about this party. I'm afraid Nanny Fine and Maxwell will screw it up. Neither one knows how to deal with people. Without me, they'll never get the money for the new show."

Niles lapsed into silence and just sat there for a few more minutes. He looked much calmer than he had when he came in. When he stood, he briefly covered her hand with his before leaving without another word.

XXX

"I hate doing these bloody things by myself," Maxwell grumbled as he paced outside of the room he'd booked for the evening.

Nanny Fine watched him patiently. She looked quite classy in her yellow sheath of a dress with her hair piled on top of her head. CC hoped she had enough sense to keep her mouth shut.

"You'll do great," she encouraged. "Just remember not to go overboard like you did a few months ago when Miss Babcock quit."

He grimaced. "Sweetie Darling? What was I thinking...Did we invite Harvey Firestein?"

"He does have a lot of money."

"Oh, God! I can't do this."

"Sure you can." She grabbed his lapels. "I'll be right here with you." He looked doubtful, so she continued, "I'll do the Sweetie Darlings. You just smile."

It was going to be a disaster. CC felt as if there were a giant stone in the pit of her stomach. They'd never pull it off. If only Niles were there. He might have been just a butler, but he also had an air of grace and charm when he made the effort. He would have had a much better chance at securing money from some old tightwad than Maxwell ever could.

Still, there was nothing CC could do about it but observe and hope. She wasn't known for her patience or for leaving her life in the hands of someone else. This backer's party might just kill her.

Not being the one at Maxwell's side gutted her. She belonged there, charming backers and securing funds. She was damn good at it, and she always had been. Maxwell had promoted her from under appreciated secretary to executive after her performance at her first backer's party. Her latest promotion was also thanks to a backer's party, but in a different way. Despite her nerves, CC felt a small smile come to her face at the memory of how she and Nanny Fine—well, mostly Nanny Fine—had manipulated Maxwell into begging her to come back after she'd quit.

Finally, after it seemed he had been hesitating for hours, Maxwell took a deep breath and held out his arm to Nanny Fine. "Shall we?"

She smiled encouragement and took his arm. The two of them plastered on confident faces and strode into the party. CC followed, her stomach in knots and a feeling of impending doom darkening her mood.

The room was filled with people, mostly men but some women, all dressed in black tie. CC knew most of them, and there were a good number that she was always able to coerce into an investment. She still had her doubts about Maxwell.

Suddenly, a familiar voice caught her attention, and she glanced at the gathered servers. Niles was among them, talking with the caterer and helping to direct the wait staff. It wasn't a normal thing for him to help out when the party wasn't at home, but it wasn't unprecedented either. At the sight of him, CC relaxed slightly.

"Maxwell." CC's eyes snapped back to Maxwell and Nanny Fine to see a plump, middle-aged couple smiling benevolently at them.

"Henry, Martha, it's great to see you." Maxwell smiled.

"And you as well, Maxwell," Henry Hamilton said. "Who is this lovely lady?"

"This is my...uh..."

"Date," Nanny Fine supplied, offering her hand. "I'm Fran." 

"Very nice to meet you. Why haven't we seen you before?"

Nanny Fine laughed and CC winced.

"Maxwell, have you been hiding this nice girl away?" Martha Hamilton asked.

"He wanted me all to himself." Nanny Fine winked.

"I don't blame him, dear." Henry patted her arm and CC let out the breath she was holding. The Hamiltons were an easy test, but she still hadn't been sure Nanny Fine would pass.

The nanny beamed at him, and CC saw some of Maxwell's own nervousness fade out of his eyes.

"We were sad to hear about CC." Martha put her hand on Maxwell's arm. "The poor thing. How is she doing?"

"Well..." He glanced hopelessly at Nanny Fine.

"She's in a coma," the nanny answered for him. "She's a bit more stable now, but she's still not breathing on her own."

"What a shame. She's such a smart, pretty girl."

CC's eyebrows rose at this. Martha was a kind woman, but she generally spent most of her time talking to Maxwell. Usually, she didn't even seem to notice CC was there.

"She's so much better at these parties than I am," Maxwell admitted.

"Don't be honest with these people, Maxwell," CC snapped. "You're supposed to try to fleece the room not have it take advantage of you."

"You're doing fine, dear." Martha squeezed his arm. "And don't you worry, Mister and I will be investing."

Maxwell smiled at her. "Thank you."

As the party wore on, CC felt safer to mingle among the guests and eavesdrop on their conversations. She wanted to know who was planning on investing. What she discovered was that most of the people weren't talking about the play at all. She was their favorite topic of conversation—though Nanny Fine was a close second. The comments varied from concerned to vindictive, and everyone was trying to decide whether or not Sheffield-Babcock Productions was better or worse without her.

The labels of 'bitch' and 'ballbuster' she had been expecting. She hadn't been expecting the compliments. Some of the people in the room thought the vary same thing she had thought for years—that she was the brains behind the business.

In a move that CC admired as something she herself would try to pull off, Nanny Fine convinced Maxwell to milk every ounce of sympathy over the accident. Softened hearts were way more willing to invest. CC had to admit Nanny Fine was sometimes shrewder than people gave her credit for. At first, Maxwell protested but the nanny won him over by pointing out that CC would have wanted him to do it. Every time CC passed them talking to a backer, she became more and more pleased.

On the whole, the party went well. They raised lots of money, their guests were happy, Nanny Fine was charming so Maxwell didn't have to try to be, and everything came together smoothly.

After it all, CC felt mentally exhausted. She actually envied those who would be going home to sleep. As the people started trickling out, she saw Niles helping with coats and wraps. Throughout the evening, he had been everywhere, subtly moving through the crowd, offering gentle nudges to help people decide to invest. She wondered if he did this at every backer's party he attended, and she just hadn't noticed.

Nanny Fine and Maxwell left when the crowd got thin, but CC stayed until only the staff remained.

Afterward, she wasn't sure where to go. On a normal night like this, she'd go home with Maxwell and they'd have a couple of drinks while tallying the money. Nanny Fine and Niles would insist on popping in and out, and CC would find herself both irritated and amused. The thought of hours spent in Maxwell's office with the three of them made her wistful. Who would have thought something that drove her crazy would be something she missed so much?

Pushing thoughts of the past from her mind, she decided not to go to Maxwell's for the night. She didn't want to go to her lonely hospital room either. CC needed somewhere restful, somewhere peaceful. For most people, this would conjure up thoughts of home, but CC Babcock was not most people.

XXX

The cemetery was dark and quiet. The only sound was the wind gently blowing through the trees. The moon was large, and the shadows of branches wiggled restlessly across the ground.

CC walked slowly but confidently through the headstones. The way was burned into her mind, though it had been years since she had been there.

It was so late that there was a chill to the air, and CC shivered as the coolness of it brushed against her face.

She hesitated as she approached the marker she had been searching for. It was just a simple piece of chiseled granite, more modest than one would expect from a Babcock, with several roses carved among the words. CC had come for peace and comfort, but she suddenly doubted she'd be able to find it.

Pain thumped with the beating of her heart. It didn't matter if those beats were real or not; the pain they pumped with them was as sharp as a knife cut. Over and over. The pain was why she had stopped coming. When she began walling herself away, this is where she had started. Everything that lone stone stood for had to be denied—love, belonging, pain, sadness, hope, home. It was a lot to ask from a stone and, once decided, surprisingly easy to give up.

Setting her jaw, CC stubbornly moved forward. She placed her fingers on the stone and traced one of the roses. She couldn't feel the carving but she could feel the chill that seeped from it.

"Hello, Grandmama," she whispered.

Her words were lost in the wind, but it also blew away the last of CC's resistance. She choked back a sob, not even sure if it was from sadness or relief.

Swallowing, she let herself drop to the ground beside the stone, her shoulder against it. She closed her eyes on the darkness and breathed deeply; she could almost believe that the scent of flowers and newly turned earth mixed with vanilla lingered in the air.

Releasing the breath, she admitted, "I miss you so much."

The wind played with her hair, and she pretended it was her grandmother's fingers brushing her bangs out of her eyes. She could almost hear the gentle words, "I love you, Chastity-Claire. You're always wanted here."

For a child who felt she didn't belong anywhere, those words had soaked into her heart—into her very soul. And she had purposefully buried them until she had forgotten them.

"I'm sorry, Grandmama. I'm so sorry."

Memories came back to her, both happy and sad. Warmth filled them, warmth from both the sun and from a pair of arms that held her as if she mattered.

With a sigh, CC settled more comfortably. Resting her cheek against the stone, she wished she could feel its hard strength. It was like her grandmother that way.

CC smiled softly. Grandmama had refused to do what her family demanded of her. She kept only two servants who were like members of her family; she worked the earth like a gardener; she had a successful career she enjoyed; she flouted propriety and freely showed love when she felt it. All those years ago, she had been everything CC wanted to be. What would her grandmother have thought of the path CC had chosen? Would her love have faded when CC had chosen to—mostly-become a true Babcock?

The thought was a harsh one, but CC pushed it away. Her grandmother's love had been unconditional, and she had always been kind, even saying her son was merely lost instead of a closed off workaholic. No doubt, her love could have punctured and seen through CC's carefully built wall as well.

CC's breathing evened and deepened and, though she couldn't sleep, she felt the tension of the day melt away. The night seemed to grow warmer and CC could almost feel insubstantial arms around her. With a sigh, she let herself relax.

All through the night, she sat like that. She didn't move, didn't open her eyes, until the first rays of dawn cut through the trees to fall upon her face.

Blinking, she stretched, feeling refreshed. And loved. The feeling lingered around her, and when she went back to the hospital to check on her body, she took it with her.

XXX

"Are you done, Miss Grace?" Niles asked politely, coming into the room.

The pleasant, soft voice stopped and CC was slightly irritated. For the past hour, she'd been sitting on the end of her bed raptly listening to the Little One read. Grace had an engaging, lilting voice and, for a ten year old, read remarkably well. CC hadn't even realized the child noticed the book Noel had placed on the table until she came in with Niles and picked it up.

Grace had gravely informed CC that she liked horses, too, and then waited for Niles to leave. As soon as he did, she began to read.

CC had never been read to by a child before—especially not one as intelligent and well spoken as Grace—and she found the experience fascinating.

"Has it been an hour already?" Grace asked.

"A little over."

"Really?" She frowned. "I must have gotten lost in the book."

He smiled at her tolerantly. "You can come back soon and read some more."

"I think I will." She gently closed the book, taking more care with it than either of her siblings would have. Getting up, she asked, "Niles?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think Miss Babcock liked me coming in to read to her?"

"With her, it's hard to tell."

"Do you miss her?"

He looked startled. "What?"

"Miss Babcock. Do you miss her?"

"Why would I miss her?" He frowned.

"You've been so quiet since she's been gone."

"Don't be so foolish, child...and put on your coat. You don't want to catch cold."

"It's all right if you do," Grace continued, but she obeyed and grabbed her jacket off the back of the chair. "I miss her, too."

"Oh, yes. All the nice things she did for you."

"I know you're being sarcastic, Niles. I'm not five anymore."

He smirked. "No, I suppose you're not."

"I know she was mean sometimes, but since she's been gone, nobody smiles much. Daddy's always busy and Fran's always worried and..." She trailed off before repeating, "It's all right to miss her."

"I have no reason to miss Miss Babcock, I assure you."

Grace just lightly touched his hand. "You can fight with me, if you want."

"Miss Fine will be back from the hairdresser's soon. We should be going."

"Okay. I'm almost ready." She went over to place the book carefully back on the table.

When Grace's back was turned, CC saw a look of tenderness briefly fill Niles's face. She doubted Grace had any idea how much he loved her. Studying him so vulnerable made CC's tummy feel funny. Usually, this kind of weakness—especially in Niles—made CC want to attack. Now, it just made her feel...rather nice.


	8. Chapter 8

CC was feeling restless. Almost three weeks with no human interaction was starting to grate on her. She wasn't lonely, exactly, just frustrated. It was getting to the point where she wanted to just scream in someone's face and wave her arms. Knowing it was silly, she squashed the urge. The nurse who came to check on her vitals irritated her just because CC was suppressing the urge to shout at her.

"I'm going mad," she grumbled, turning away and pacing. "Soon, it won't matter if I wake up because if I do it will be as a jabbering idiot."

Already, the lack of alcohol's numbness had brought her feelings way too close to the surface. Her wall was cracked, possibly beyond repair, and she had no idea what kind of person she wanted to be. She was not prepared to let go of the Bitch of Broadway, but that didn't mean she couldn't also be something more. The thought of reaching for it was terrifying, but she was starting to...almost...believe that it might be worth it.

All she knew was the thought of burying herself in liquor again was distasteful, as was the thought of blindly chasing after a man she could never have. Whatever else remained the same, those two things would change.

As the nurse left, CC turned to study herself, and another irrational urge seized her. She wanted to shake herself violently until she woke.

She clenched her fists and took several deep breaths, forcing the turmoil in her mid section to settle.

CC had to get out of that room.

It was very early, just after six, and she only knew of one person who would be up at that hour. She had learned to now focus on people as well as places, so she brought a picture of Niles into her mind and stepped forward.

She found herself in a bedroom.

CC frowned and looked around, assuming it was Niles's bedroom, though he wasn't there. It was a nice room, tastefully done, if a little bit smaller than she would have liked. There were more personal touches than she had expected—pictures of the children and of a smiling couple at different stages of their lives lined the walls. From the man's blue eyes, CC assumed they were Niles's parents.

CC wandered the room, studying his things. She smiled when she saw the picture of a group of people all in shorts. Everyone was in that picture—Maxwell, the children, Nanny Fine, Nanny Fine's parents, Yetta, Niles, and CC herself—and it was taken about a week or so before her accident when they all went on a cruise together. The picture looked like a family photograph, and the faces were filled with warmth and laughter.

Her curious perusal was cut short by the sound of an opening door. CC turned and her eyes widened in surprise.

Niles came into the room humming to himself, his hair damp and a towel around his waist. The towel was all he was wearing.

CC's hand flew to her mouth as she took in his naked torso. His business suits had been hiding a nice looking chest, not ripped like a body builder, but firm from years of doing physical labour. And he had the most amazing arms.

CC knew she should look away, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Niles had very touchable looking skin, and CC wondered how soft it was.

When Niles moved to remove the towel, CC covered her eyes with her hands. A wicked impulse made her widen her fingers, and she peeked through the cracks.

Her butler boy had nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing.

Knowing it was wrong but unable to help herself, CC watched Niles get dressed. Slowly the Niles she was used to began to appear as one thing after another was added. When he added the tie, CC wondered for the first time if the tie ever felt like a noose. After all, Niles was a well educated man, charming when he wanted to be, talented, warm, intelligent—and he was washing someone else's underwear for a living. To make thing worse, it was someone he had known his whole life, someone he considered a friend, and someone who, despite both of these things, treated him as if he didn't have a brain in his head.

CC remembered Niles mentioning in passing over the years that he had once wanted to study the law or go into musical theatre himself. Money would have been a barrier for the first, but the second, with his talent and a little boost from a friend, had been within his reach. CC wondered why Maxwell had never given him a hand. Was it blindness or selfishness on Maxwell's part? CC hoped it was blindness.

Not liking the way her thoughts were headed, CC turned from the sight of Niles sliding on his jacket and decided to wait downstairs for the household to awaken.

XXX

It wasn't long before the silence was broken. The house exploded with noise as Maggie and Brighton had their first fight of the day, Maxwell yelled for Niles across the house, and there were showers, laughter, and a burst of music. CC soaked it all in with amusement.

When some of the tumult faded and the family gathered in the dining room, CC decided to join them.

The chair she normally sat in, the one next to Maggie, was pulled slightly away from the table. With effort, CC was able to squeeze herself into it without becoming part of the furniture.

"Good morning, children," Maxwell said as he entered the room.

He was dressed, of course, as was the children. They wore their weekend clothes, so CC assumed it was Saturday or Sunday. It was getting harder and harder to keep track. Since she didn't sleep, days and nights were blending together and sometimes she was surprised to see darkness when she looked out a window.

"Good morning, everyone." Nanny Fine strode into the room in a bright, fuzzy robe.

Maxwell smiled at her in a way he had never smiled at CC, and it suddenly hit her. She had always known it in the back of her mind, way back where she hid it and could deny it, but for the first time she understood. Maxwell was in love with the nanny. He'd been in love with her since the day he met her. CC didn't know if he knew himself yet, but it was written on his face for anyone to read. Even if Maxwell hadn't thought of her as a sister, CC never had a chance.

The thought saddened her, but not as much as it once would have. Really, Maxwell and Nanny Fine were more suited together despite their class differences. Their minds worked in the same way and the same things were important to them. CC still wasn't sure where that left her. It was scary to know Maxwell was not the answer to her happiness because now she had no idea who or what was. All she knew was that she craved it as much as she ever had—maybe even more.

"Good morning, Miss Fine." As the Nanny went over to get a plate of breakfast from Niles, Maxwell continued, "So, what has everyone got planned for the day?"

"I'm planning on going to the mall with Kate," Maggie told him before taking a bite of her eggs.

"Me and Kyle are playing videogames," Brighton added. "Niles, can I have some more milk?"

Niles handed Nanny Fine her plate and quietly moved around the table.

"Fran and I are going to the zoo. Aren't we Fran?" Grace told him gravely.

CC shuddered thinking of the time she'd tried taking the children to the zoo. The Boy kept throwing up, the Big One had been bored, and the Little One had gotten upset. Of course, CC had tried too hard and screwed up for the millionth time. It hadn't been a good day.

Nanny Fine glanced up, a piece of crisp bacon in her fingers. "Yes, we are. Do you want to come with us?"

"I don't know. I have so much work to do..."

"But, Daddy, it's Saturday."

"Come on, Mr. Sheffield. You need the break. You've been working non-stop since Miss Babcock's accident."

"But what about the workload?" He looked uncertain.

"It will still be here tomorrow."

"Oh, all right." He gave in with an audible sigh.

Nanny Fine patted his hand. "Good boy."

Throughout the whole exchange, Niles had quietly watched over them. He moved to bring them things, and he nodded when he was spoken to, but he didn't interact any more than that. He was acting more like the servants in CC's mother's house than like himself.

CC looked up to study his face. It was strangely expressionless as he patiently waited.

"Come on, Benson. Wake up. What's wrong with you?"

CC forgot to be careful and bits of her went through the table as she rose to walk around Maggie, Brighton, and Maxwell. Niles stood beside the serving station, so CC went over to stand beside him. The two of them had stood like this so often that it felt comfortable and familiar. She could almost pretend he knew she was there.

CC remembered Grace saying that Niles had become quieter over the past few weeks. She wondered if that was really because he missed her.

The family continued to chatter through breakfast, and Niles continued to stand there silently. CC remained beside him, wishing she could hear one of his pointed zingers. Sometimes they angered her, sometimes they amused her, and sometimes they hurt her, but they were a part of him—and maybe a part of her as well. She missed them and their normalcy.

Gradually, the family finished eating and drifted away. Niles watched them go before silently beginning the after dinner clean up.

CC studied him, wondering why she had a sudden urge to squeeze his hand.

XXX

CC had started spending a lot of time with herself. When she wasn't at the Sheffields' or at the theatre, she could often be found staring at her prone body and thinking of the past. Too much time with her thoughts had revealed several harsh things about herself that she wasn't sure if she liked. Still, there was more she discovered that she did like. She was strong, she was independent, she was good at her job. She had brains, and she never let anyone intimidate her.

Sitting in the guest chair listening to the beeping of her machines and the rhythmic sound of her respirator had become rather soothing. CC had been sitting there for several hours when the sound of the door made her turn. She had been expecting Niles and was surprised to see a flower laden Nanny Fine come in.

"Hi, Miss Babcock! How are you today?" Her voice was almost as cheery as her tight outfit.

"Well, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken limbs and a brain that refuses to wake up. How do you think I feel?" CC asked sarcastically.

She got to her feet, stretching parts that had gone numb from her sitting in one place too long.

Nanny Fine moved closer to the bed and put the flowers down beside Grandmama's smiling face. She clucked softly when she saw Teddy and picked him up to tuck under CC's arm.

"You look a little better," she commented, running her hand gently over CC's forehead. The bandage had been removed, so she brushed the bangs to the side. "Some of your color is coming back. Maybe today will be the day you wake up."

She smiled slightly and sat in the chair. "I'll bet you can't wait to get outta here. You must miss Chester, but don't worry. He's doing just fine. Niles, I'm not so sure about. He's been moping around for weeks. He says he misses insulting you, but I think it's you he misses.

'Speaking of Niles, did you know he got a call from your lawyer yesterday?"

CC did not know this. Curiously, she sat down on the bed to listen. Nanny Fine's prattling used to annoy her, but now that CC was no longer trying to get the nanny to shut up and go away so she could chase her own objectives, she was starting to feel almost fond of it.

"Well, he did. Your sister's lawyer is trying to contest your decision to give Niles your Power of Attorney. She thinks someone in your family should have it. Maybe she thinks Niles will pull the plug. You know, Niles acted mad when he found out you gave it to him, but he's fighting to keep it. He told...Wood?...Smith?...Blake?...Whatshisface that he'd give power to that snake over his dead body. It shocked us all."

CC relaxed a little at Niles's reluctance to surrender to DD. If DD succeeded and CC woke up anyway, the first thing she'd do was fire her lawyer—whose name was Moore.

"Things are going pretty good at the mansion. Same old, same old.

'Mr. Sheffield is handling the two plays great. I don't want you to worry. The costumes for _Kiss Me, Kate _are wonderful, and we got enough money from the party to get things rolling on _A Girl's Story. _ But what's with that title?"

CC grimaced. Everything that could go wrong was going wrong with _Kiss Me, Kate._ All of her hopes were hinging on waking up before _A Girl's Story_ was botched too badly.

"Val's dating again, can you believe it? Between you and me, I don't think this one will last too long. Val thinks he's a mentsh, but I think he's got a roving eye. I can spot one a mile away.

'As for Ma's mood mole, the doctor has decided to remove it anyway. Oh, and Daddy's hair, you know, the good one he wears to weddings and Bar Mitzvahs...Well, he won't be wearing it any time soon. It fell off at the mansion and Chester thought it was a cat. Remember the whole Lamb Chop episode?" She waved her hand. "There was nothing left when Chester was finished. Daddy wasn't too angry. He's been looking for an excuse to get new formal hair for years..."

CC smiled. That was her Chester. He didn't take shit from anyone.

"Miss Babcock?" Nanny Fine's tone got serious and almost sad.

"What is it, Nanny Fine?"

"I wanted to say I'm sorry." She looked down at the hands twined in her lap.

CC's brow wrinkled in puzzlement. "For what?"

"I did it because Niles did it. I was just teasing, but I know it might have hurt your feelings."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry for making fun of you being lonely. I don't want you to die thinking I meant it." Her head snapped up. "Not that I think you're gonna die. You're not. You'll be fine." Nanny Fine hopped out of her chair. "Well, I'd better go. Gracie will be home soon. I'll see you in a couple of days."

She squeezed CC's hand once and, like a whirlwind, she was gone.

XXX

"Well, Chastity-Claire," he doctor said, lifting her eyelids to check her eyes, "you're doing much better. You're getting stronger and responding well to therapy. I don't think it will be much longer before you can breathe on your own. After that, who knows? Maybe you'll decide to join us again."

He continued checking her vitals, noting things on her chart. CC stood beside him, peeking over his shoulder and wishing his handwriting wasn't quite so messy.

"You're one of my favorite patients, you know. You never talk back. You take your medicine and therapy without complaint..."

"Just wait until I'm awake, Doc."

"...and you're slowly getting better."

She hoped this was true. Since Nanny Fine had said it a couple of days before, CC had noticed the color in her cheeks. They didn't look healthy rosy, but they weren't as pale as death anymore either.

"Just wait. Before you know it, those clunky casts will be off and, with a little more therapy, you'll be as good as new."

The doctor was interrupted by the door opening and a polite, accented voice saying, "Pardon me. I didn't know anyone was here."

Shocked, CC whirled to see a nervous looking Maxwell.

"Maxwell!" she exclaimed, forgetting for a moment that he couldn't hear her.

Her doctor smiled. "It's all right. Come in; I'm almost done."

"I can...I can wait outside, if you like."

"Nonsense. Chastity-Claire could use the company."

"Chastity-Claire?"

The doctor frowned.

"Oh! You mean CC. Sorry, Doctor, my brain isn't quite working." His discomfort was plain. It was written on his face and even in the posture of his body.

The doctor's smile returned. "I'm done here. Take all the time you need."

"Thank you, Doctor."

As the doctor left, Maxwell bunched his hands and started bouncing them against his thighs. He stayed near the door so long that CC wondered if he were preparing to bolt.

Really, she couldn't believe he had made it this far. After his admission to Nanny Fine, CC hadn't expected to see him at all.

Finally, he said, "Hello, CC," and slowly moved forward.

His face paled as he got closer and she saw him stiffen. His chest rose sharply as he took a deep breath, and CC wondered if he saw her lying there or Sarah.

"It's all right, Maxwell. You didn't have to come," she told him softly.

He swallowed before saying, "Miss Fine tells me you are doing well."

"So I hear."

"You look..." He trailed off, as if he couldn't decide exactly how she looked.

"I'm alive, Maxwell, and I'm not going to die. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"I remember the first time I saw you. Sarah was working as my part time secretary then, and everywhere she went, she had Margaret on her hip." He smiled slightly. "You were the fourteenth person we interviewed, and we were both a little cross...and I didn't find you very impressive. You were a chubby, soft spoken girl...and those glasses. You seemed both shy and bored...and I came this close to kicking you out of my office."

Maxwell held his finger and thumb about a half an inch apart. He paused and CC raised her eyebrows. Sixteen years, and he'd never told her how close she'd been to not getting the job.

"And then Sarah asked you about what you would do to improve revenue...and you came alive. I've never seen anything like it. Your head was full of ideas—new and fresh ideas, and we knew you were just what we needed. I've never regretted that decision...even when we passed on Cats...even when you drive me crazy a hundred times a day...I...I just wanted you to know that."

"Thank you, Maxwell."

His eyes dropped as if he couldn't bear to look at her anymore. He fidgeted for nearly a full minute before he spoke again.

"I should go. I was on my way to the theatre. iKiss me, Kate/i is a mess, and someone's got to straighten things out. This usually seems so easy. I have no idea what's wrong this time."

CC smirked at him. "That's because I usually deal with all the problems."

He turned to go, and CC reached out a hand to touch him briefly. Maxwell had his flaws, but he was a dear man, and it was no wonder she had deluded herself into thinking she was in love with him for so many years.


	9. Chapter 9

The day they took her off the respirator, CC was so happy she was almost giddy. It seemed like a huge milestone to her and proof that she was in fact getting stronger. She couldn't believe her lungs would decide to work on their own if the rest of her was planning on shutting down.

Even though she still had an oxygen piece on her nose, she looked very different without the giant tube covering the bottom half of her face. One could almost believe she was sleeping and that her eyes would open at any moment.

The steady rise and fall of her chest seemed like a small miracle, and she was tempted to lay her head against it so she could hear the working of her lungs and the beating of her heart.

She was waiting for Niles when he made his afternoon visit because she wanted to share the small victory with someone.

He came in looking disheveled and slightly damp, with a tan overcoat covering his suit. As he entered the room, he shook a little, almost like a dog, and slid off the coat.

"My goodness, it's coming down out there. Did you have anything to do with that?"

He draped his jacket over the chair and ran a work worn hand through his hair.

"What do I have to do to get some sunsh..." Niles turned and trailed off as his eyes fell on her face.

CC grinned for the first time in a long time at his expression.

"Surprise!"

Niles just continued staring at her. He stared at her so long that CC's grin fell from her face.

"What is it, Niles?"

He swallowed and dropped into the chair, rubbing a hand over his face. Exhaustion seemed to suddenly tinge his features and dull his eyes. This was not the reaction CC had been expecting. Of course, she hadn't been expecting fanfare, but some sort of happiness would have been nice.

Niles sat there for a long time. He didn't say anything; he didn't do anything. CC was starting to get concerned. A feeling of unease made her stomach flutter, and she watched him carefully for clues as to what he was thinking.

At first, she watched him from the foot of her bed. She'd been standing there when he entered and his strange reaction had frozen her there.

She studied his face, trying to decipher the thoughts that flickered over it. As time passed and nothing changed, she moved closer until she was kneeling on the floor beside him. This close, she could see every line etched into his features by years of caring for others and the startling blueness of his eyes.

CC wondered what was going on in that wicked, brilliant mind of his. He looked so serious that she was tempted to touch him, even though she knew neither of them would feel it.

Abruptly, Niles sighed and rose to his feet. CC followed him as he crossed the few feet to her hospital bed and looked down at her physical body. She wondered what he saw that she couldn't.

Niles grimaced and clenched his hands, and his breathing became slightly harsh. After a slight pause, he reached out and touched her shoulder, his fingertips lightly trailing over her hospital gown. His expression became tender and he bent over her.

"Come back to me," he whispered so softly it was almost inaudible before pressing his lips to her forehead. He closed his eyes and lingered for several seconds.

CC gasped and her own eyes widened in disbelief. Suddenly, it felt as if she couldn't breathe and her whole world seemed to tilt. She wondered wildly if she were being sucked back into her body and waited for the strong tugs she had felt the last time. There were none.

She fought for control over her shock and achieved it before Niles straightened. She forced air into and out of her lungs, and everything became perfectly clear.

Niles's hands were trembling as he fussed with CC's sheet. He had done it so many times, but now the action seemed to take on a different meaning.

He touched her face, stroked her cheek, and CC watched him with a strange feeling in her chest.

Niles cared for her. The thought was foreign, but it gathered strength as it rolled over and over in her mind. He cared for her a lot. Sixteen years of insults and pranks had blinded her to the possibility he might, but there was no mistaking the tenderness in his face.

Once more, she wanted to touch him. She ached to put her hand on his shoulder or her fingers against his jaw.

"You're going to kill me, Babs." His voice was still soft and full of affection.

"Hey, you're the one who kissed me, Florence," she said, still feeling a little stunned.

Niles cleared his throat and turned away. As he did, the door to her room opened and her doctor came in.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Butler. I've been trying to call you."

"You have?" Niles asked gruffly, his expression unreadable.

"Yes, but I can see you've discovered the good news for yourself. Chastity-Claire can breathe on her own well enough that she no longer needs the respirator. She's getting stronger and the chances of her waking up are getting better every day."

"How many more weeks of peace do you think we'll get?"

"It's hard to say. Her body is still fighting to heal itself, but I think it's finally starting to win."

"Thanks, Doctor. I'll let her father and brother know. Now, if you'll excuse me. I was just ducking in for a moment on the way to the grocery store."

"Certainly."

CC watched Niles go but she didn't follow. Instead, she decided to go somewhere quiet to absorb what she'd learned.

XXX

It seemed there was no peace to be had. She went to the theatre, but they were practicing iKiss Me, Kate/i. The costumes were still outlandish, but the actors were finally off script . The woman who played Lilli was good, but the man who played Fred was stiff and wooden. Watching them go through their lines set CC's teeth on edge, and she wanted to take the actor and give him a quick shake. It didn't make her feel any better to know she had cast Fred herself.

Feeling cranky, CC decided to try the townhouse, knowing Maxwell would be working, the children would be in school, and Niles would be at the grocery store. Unfortunately, the Fines had taken up residence. Sylvia and Nanny Fine were eating in the kitchen and Yetta was in the family room watching TV.

Finally, she gave in and went to the one place she knew no one would ever go. As expected, her living room was quiet and still. It felt as if no one had ever been there.

CC sighed and went over to the couch. She settled into it and leaned back, closing her eyes.

So, Niles liked her. Despite all of his jabs, snarks, zings, practical jokes, repeated wishings that she'd die, shudders, grimaces...and God knew what else, he had feelings for her. CC wasn't quite sure how she felt about that yet. Still, the fact seemed to be that Niles hadn't come to visit every day and taken care of things for her out of a sense of responsibility but because he wanted to.

A clanging noise made CC jump and her eyes flew open. It was followed by a bang, and CC quickly got to her feet.

There was someone in her penthouse!

Her place didn't have much for personal affects, but there were several things that were almost priceless. A thief would have a field day, especially if he found out no one had been living there for a month.

The noise was coming from the direction of the kitchen. Even though CC knew she couldn't do anything, she rushed towards it.

Forcing herself through the door, CC was surprised to find Niles on the other side. His wet coat was draped over the counter, and he was peering into the fridge. There was a box of milk in his hand and a disgusted look on his face.

"Pew. I should have done this weeks ago."

He dropped the box into a garbage bag he had hanging off a knob on one of the cupboards. It made a clunk, and the sickly sweet smell of rotten milk wafted through the air.

CC grimaced and plugged her nose, but she still moved closer.

Several apples and some lettuce followed the milk. They squished as they hit the box.

"What are you doing now, old man? I thought you were going grocery shopping."

She unplugged her nose and peered over his shoulder into the fridge. What kind of person would think about cleaning the perishables out of someone's fridge while they were in the hospital? Apparently, someone like Niles.

At least this close to him, his nice scent was stronger than the fridge odors.

"Oh, Miss Babcock," he grumbled as he started removing the take out containers and adding them to the bag. There were a lot.

"What? You know I don't like to cook. Why do you think I eat dinner at the townhouse so often?"

"It's a good thing I didn't wait any longer. Whatever this is would have been walking by next week." He made another face.

With a smirk, CC leaned against the fridge and continued to watch. Since over half of the contents of the fridge was in those little boxes, it didn't take long for it to start looking empty.

"It's a wonder you don't weigh 300 pounds," he continued as box after box disappeared.

"You mean I don't?" she asked, putting a hand on her flat stomach.

Niles shook his head and tsked as he took some foul looking plums from the crisper. "Thank God this is the last of it."

He straightened with a hand on his lower back. CC felt a twinge of guilt that he had taken time out of his busy day to do this.

Niles grimaced and bent again to tie up the garbage bag. CC was surprised when he didn't start getting ready to go. Instead, he rolled up his sleeves and looked under the sink. He grabbed a bucket and some purple stuff in a plastic bottle.

CC shook her head in disbelief. First he cleaned out the fridge, and now he was going to wash it? Why didn't he leave that for her housekeeper?

"You know, I probably wouldn't even have noticed this or even thought about it and, if I did, I would have just assumed Angelica did it."

Of course, that was what he wanted. He would never have wanted her to know he'd voluntarily done something nice. Not for her. That was the nature of their relationship, and it had worked up until now. Best friends who pretended to hate each other when, in reality, they...what? Hell if she knew.

But maybe it was finally time to find out.

XXX

"Wake up, wake up. Please, wake up," CC begged.

It had been almost a week since her doctor removed her breathing tube and still she slept. CC was again starting to fear that her body would be sleeping forever, and she would be stuck watching everything for another forty years. The thought was terrifying. CC had never been one to stand idly by as her life passed and not being able to do anything was starting to feel like some kind of torture.

It was harder to be patient now that her body looked so much better, and CC had never been a patient person.

"Soon they'll all forget about you," she hissed. "Their lives will go on. Maxwell will hire someone else. Your father and Noel will move on. DD will steal all of your money. Niles will find someone else to insult and prank. No one will care about you anymore. Now you know they do, do you really want to lose it?"

Her body continued to lay there, unresponsive, and CC threw up her hands in frustration.

"Are you sure this is the right room, Fran?"

"No, Ma. I just randomly go into rooms until I get the right one."

The voices made CC whirl around to stare at the door. She didn't feel like visitors, especially loud Fine women, but she didn't want to leave either. Niles hadn't been there yet, and his presence always seemed to sooth and distract her.

When the door opened, it emitted not just two but three Fine women—and Val. CC didn't know whether to wince and run or clear her mind and let the quartet amuse her out of her desperate mood.

"This is a hospital room," Yetta said, sounding surprised.

"Yes, Yetti. We've come to see Miss Babcock."

"Who?"

"Miss Babcock."

"Oh. The blond." She peered around the room. "Where is she?"

"In the bed, Ma," Sylvia said loudly. "Remember? She had an accident."

"Of course I remember. What am I, senile?"

Val was looking around the room with wide eyes. When her gaze settled on CC, she commented, "She looks like she's sleeping."

"She is sleeping, Val." Nanny Fine rolled her eyes.

Val looked puzzled but answered, "Oh."

"This is a nice room," Sylvia commented, taking everything in thoughtfully.

"No taking anything, Ma. You said you wanted to pay your respects."

"Is she dead?" Yetta asked.

"No, Yetta," Val said gently, taking the old woman's arm and leading her to the bed. "She's just sleeping."

"Poor Miss Babcock," Sylvia shook her head. "She looks terrible."

CC crossed her arms. "I look better than you do."

"I think she looks a lot better," Nanny Fine argued. "You shoulda seen her before. Her face was all bruised and she had this ugly tube...It was awful."

"I hope you feel better soon, Miss Babcock," Val whispered, her arm still through Yetta's.

"Why are you whispering, Val?"

"Because she's asleep."

"Believe me, Val, I wish your voice could wake me up, but if Nanny Fine's can't..."

Yetta reached out and started petting CC's hair. It was such an odd gesture that it caught CC's eye, though no one else seemed to notice. The other three women just continued their inane conversation. They sounded like a gaggle of geese. The sound was so familiar, it was almost comforting.

"There, there, Miss Babcock," Yetta said quietly. "It will be all right."

CC had always kind of liked Yetta. Though the old woman was probably senile, sometimes she seemed like the only sane member of her bizarre family.

"Look at all these nice flowers," Sylvia commented. "Should we have brought flowers?"

"It's all right, Ma," Nanny Fine waved a hand dismissively. "I bring some in every week. I'll just add your name to my card."

This seemed to satisfy Sylvia, who nodded and fished a snack cake out of her pocket. "Meanwhile, is anyone else hungry? I hear the food in the cafeteria isn't bad."

"I could eat."

"Yeah, me, too," Val admitted. "Come on, Yetta. We're going to get something to eat. Get better, Miss Babcock."

"Okay." Yetta patted CC's cheek. "You hang in there, kiddo."


	10. Chapter 10

The kitchen smelled wonderful. CC closed her eyes and took a breath. Chocolate cake. Nothing else smelled like that. She let the scent wrap around her, almost like a hug.

She heard the rattling of dishes and reluctantly opened her eyes. Niles was at the sink rinsing off a bowl, a spoon, and some measuring cups.

Sometimes when he was baking, if he was in a good mood and had already gotten her several times that day, he would let her lick the spoon. As a child, CC had never been allowed to do this and, even though it was such a simple thing, it always made her happy. Of course, she'd never told Niles. She was too afraid he'd stop doing it.

As the evidence of his baking slid down the sink, a soft, sad expression briefly touched his face. It was gone by the time he put the dishes in the dishwasher, and it was replaced with a fond smile as Nanny Fine entered the room with a colorful purse dangling from her left hand.

"Hey, Niles."

"Hello, Miss Fine. Where are you off to today?"

"I'm having lunch with Val. Want to come?"

"Me?"

"Yeah. It would do you good to get away from the house for awhile."

He shook his head slightly, wiping the counter with his dishcloth. "I can't. There's too much work to do."

Nanny Fine crinkled her nose. "Since when has that ever stopped you?" 

"I don't think so. I've got a cake in the oven."

"I can wait."

He sighed. "Miss Fine, I appreciate the offer, but, really, I'm fine."

Nanny Fine brushed by CC and leaned against the table. Quietly, she admitted, "I'm worried about you."

Niles stopped wiping and dropped his dishcloth at her words. "What on earth are you worried about me for?"

"She's going to be okay, you know."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It's obvious that you are worried about Miss Babcock."

"Why would I worry about Miss Babcock?" he asked scornfully. "That woman is nothing but a plague on humanity."

"And you miss her."

"Miss Fine..."

She came over to the counter and took his hand. "I know you've been going to see her every day."

"Where would you get that idea?"

"Niles, we have five shakers of cinnamon and enough chocolate syrup to last us twenty years."He looked down at their hands, and Nanny Fine squeezed his. "It's okay to care about her. You've known her for years. She's a part of your life—our lives."

"I can't talk about this."

"You don't have to. Just come out to lunch with me and Val."

He still didn't look at her. "All right. If you have time to wait for my cake, I'll go with you."

She smiled and leaned over the counter to give him a quick peck on the cheek. "That's better. I'll just call Val and tell her we'll be a little late."

XXX

CC sat on the green couch watching Maxwell work. She had been waiting for him when he came in that morning and had been observing him for the two hours since. His face was serious and his eyes focused behind his glasses. Things seemed to be going more smoothly than they had right after CC's accident, and Maxwell seemed a bit more organized. Still, the lack of her touch was glaringly apparent. Now that Maxwell wasn't in danger of crashing and burning, it was nice to know she was not easy to replace.

When Maxwell took out their ledger, CC got to her feet. This had always specifically been her job, and she wanted to make sure he was doing it correctly. Since the accident, CC made a point to check on him every couple of days, watching over his shoulder while he did the books.

Maxwell hadn't written more than five numbers when the door burst open and Nanny Fine bounced flamboyantly into the room.

"What is it, Miss Fine?" Maxwell asked before she even had a chance to say anything. His tone sounded more relieved than annoyed, which didn't surprise CC. There was a reason she always did the books.

"Are you busy?"

"Of course, I'm busy."

Her face fell. "Oh."

"What's on your mind? I can spare you a few minutes."

She perked up again and came forward to perch on the edge of his desk. Her dark eyes were shining and every emotion was plain on her face. To Maxwell's credit, he gazed into her face instead of at the shapely legs revealed when she crossed them.

CC left her place to study Nanny Fine. Since her accident, she'd come to realize that she liked the outrageous nanny and even considered her a friend. It was still mostly a surprise to her, especially since the two of them were so different. The main difference, of course, was that Miss Fine had been born poor but everything still came remarkably easy to her, whereas CC had been born tremendously wealthy—even wealthier than Maxwell—but she had to work hard for everything, and nothing she ever did seemed to be good enough. Maybe the secret was to give in and just let some things happen on their own.

"What are you doing after work today?" Nanny Fine asked.

"I'm not sure. Why?"

"Ma has invited us all for dinner."

"I don't know, Miss Fine. The last time she served tongue."

"You don't like tongue?"

"Has it ever been served in this house?"

"Point taken. I promise, no tongue."

"This is awful generous. Is there a reason?"

"Because she wants to have dinner with her grandchildren," Niles commented, coming in with his duster in his hand.

Maxwell raised his eyebrows. "Her grandchildren?"

"If I remember correctly, she says that at the rate Miss Fine is going, your children are as close as she's going to get."

"Niles, were you listening to our conversation?" Nanny Fine asked in amusement.

"Who, me?"

"Well, I suppose it would be all right, Miss Fine, though it is short notice," Maxwell said.

"What do you have a hot date or something?" Nanny Fine still sounded amused.

"No, of course not...Well, I could have, but I don't...Just tell your mother that will be fine."

Niles smirked and started dusting, and Nanny Fine hopped off the desk.

"I'll tell her."

This is what CC missed. Strangely enough, the conversations that had always seemed so silly were the one thing she wanted back the most. They had taken up so much of her days and she had often thought them an irritant, but they were her normal. It ached knowing she couldn't be there, adding her sarcastic opinions to the mix. Either she or Niles would insult the other, and there would be a glare or a smirk, and everything would feel right.

As the nanny flounced back out, Maxwell glanced at Niles. "Will you be coming tonight, Niles?"

Niles didn't look at him as he continued to dust the shelves. "No, sir."

"Why not?"

"I wasn't invited."

"Really?"

Niles was almost always included in Sylvia's invitations. She liked to manipulate him into helping her in the kitchen—and bringing dessert.

"It's all right, sir. I have plans."

"Plans?"

"Yes."

When he didn't elaborate or stop working, Maxwell shrugged and went back to the books.

XXX

Niles's plans turned out to be with CC. He came into her room a little later than usual and there was purpose in his eyes. There were also lilies in his arms.

As soon as he entered, he began humming softly and went over to the table where her flowers and cards were displayed. With quick, sure hands, he started removing the flowers that had wilted or dried. After carefully setting their tags aside, he took a small bag from his pocket and unceremoniously dumped the dead flowers inside. When he was done, over half of the flowers were gone. He refilled their vases, sending the sweet smell of lilies through the room.

Once he was done with the flowers, he took out his hanky and started wiping dust off of everything. He righted both pictures and was especially gentle when he wiped off CC's book.

After he was done, he moved from the long table to the one beside her bed. Even though the hospital staff kept things tidy, it was apparently not enough for Niles. He dusted the stuff on that table as well before tucking the cards from the discarded flowers into her old photo album.

He did this all without saying a word.

When he was finished with the table, he picked up Teddy and once more placed him under CC's arm. The whole brief cleaning spree only lasted about fifteen minutes, but Niles looked satisfied when he was finished.

When he spoke, it wasn't words that CC expected. "I heard from your mother."

"My mother?" CC was so surprised that she sat down quickly on the bed.

"Lovely woman." His sarcasm was plain. "This may just be a case of the apple not falling far from the tree."

CC winced hoping—but not sure—that she wasn't quite the flake her mother was.

"It seems she'll be blowing in sometime the day after tomorrow and is planning to come see you." Something like pity flashed over his face. "I know how much you'd want everything to seem perfect for her visit, so I've straightened a little. You're welcome. You owe me."

"Don't leave me alone with that woman, Niles," CC ordered.

No matter how perfect things were, her mother would find fault with something. Most likely, BB would be delighted to declare that the accident was CC's own fault because she decided to work instead of becoming a woman of leisure.

"Please," she added.

Niles went back to the long table, and CC momentarily forgot her anxiety over her mother's impending visit. He picked up the old book and flipped it open.

CC got another surprise, this one a pleasant one, as he settled into the chair and asked, "Now, where was it Miss Grace left off?"

XXX

On the day her mother threatened to visit, CC didn't know whether to stay at the hospital and wait for her or run away to the theatre. Part of her wanted to see her mother despite their complicated relationship. CC both loved and hated BB Babcock, though she would have much preferred to achieve a state of indifference.

When she was a child, her mother flitted in and out of her life. She talked about CC but never to her and gave her gifts instead of time. It wasn't unusual for CC to cry herself to sleep after seeing her, wondering why her mother couldn't love her.

Sighing, CC cursed herself for a fool, but decided to wait. She spent most of the day fidgeting in her chair, wishing she didn't care what her mother thought.

Niles came late in the afternoon and CC latched onto his visit like a lifeline. She was so grateful for the distraction, she could have kissed him.

He was relatively quiet, forcing her out of the chair and sitting with his hands clasped. Eventually, he admitted that he wanted to meet the woman who had spawned her.

CC dropped down to the floor in front of her bed and folded her legs. She was close enough to touch Niles's knee if she wanted to. His presence was comforting, and she felt her stomach start to settle.

The two of them were sitting there for a little over a half an hour when the door opened. CC raised her head in anticipation and fear.

The person coming in wasn't her mother.

The woman was young, maybe twenty-five, and had shoulder length dark hair. She was pretty in a no-nonsense kind of way, and she was dressed in a bland gray suit.

Niles turned and frowned. "Hello?"

This caused the woman to blush. "I'm looking for CC Babcock."

His expression turned puzzled. "This is Miss Babcock's room."

"May I come in?"

"Of course."

She still looked uncomfortable, but she stepped further in, shutting the door behind her. CC wondered who she was; she didn't look familiar.

"I'm Niles," Niles offered. "How do you know Miss Babcock? Are you a relative?"

"Oh, no. Nothing like that. Ms. Warner asked me to come."

Understanding hit CC like a blow. Warner was her mother's current last name. She had wasted all day waiting for a woman who, as always, would never show.

"Ms...?"

"Her mother. BB Warner. She asked me to inquire about her daughter's well being...and to bring her this."

The young woman reached into her purse and drew out a blue velvet box. Niles got up and held out his hand, so she passed it to him. When he flipped open the lid, CC saw a very expensive diamond necklace. She slowly got to her feet so she could study it.

"A necklace?" Niles asked blankly.

"Yes. And a card."

He accepted this as well and read, "Get better soon, my darling. Love Mother."

The woman dropped her eyes. "The necklace is almost priceless."

"I'm sure it is, Miss...?"

"LeBlanc. Daphne LeBlanc."

"Miss LeBlanc. I'm just not sure how useful a diamond necklace is to a woman in a coma."

Daphne shrugged. "Maybe Ms. Warner wanted her to have something nice to wear when she woke."

"Perhaps."

"Well, I really must be going."

"Certainly."

Daphne's face lost some of its stiffness. "I hope she wakes up soon."

"Thank you." Niles was staring at the necklace and not BB's lackey.

She inclined her head and left. CC found herself laughing at the sheer absurdity of the situation. She had actually expected her mother to come. Her mother had sent an expensive necklace as a gift instead. Niles had witnessed the tragic humiliation that was her life. Hilarious! The laugh became a sob, and she turned away.

She didn't want to see the pity on Niles's face.


	11. Chapter 11

CC was surprised to find Niles's room dark and quiet. It was still early, and she expected to find him sitting up reading as she'd discovered he usually did before bed. She was about to leave to search for him when the faint sound of breathing made her pause.

CC peered towards the bed and made out a lump under the covers. She moved closer and, in a pale bit of moonlight, saw Niles snuggled up with his back to her. Rounding the bed, she could clearly see his face. An unfamiliar feeling of warmth filled her, and she smiled fondly.

Niles looked so peaceful and...well, sweet, in sleep. All of the harshness caused by bitterness and sorrow smoothed out and he looked years younger.

CC reached out and brushed a hand across his brow, wondering where the sudden feeling of tenderness was coming from.

"We make quite a pair, don't we, Butler Boy?" she asked, kneeling by the bed to study him more closely.

It was strange to see him without a snicker or smirk on his face and to not see his very blue eyes twinkling with mirth, fiery with ire, or dark with sadness. Still, she was glad to be able to see him this way. It showed her a side of him she'd never seen before, and she hoped she'd be able to watch him sleep again.

She closed her eyes when she felt his breath on her face.

"Now, we're even," she whispered. "You've been watching me sleep for six weeks, and now I'm watching you."

She wondered what it would feel like to be snuggled in that blanket with him, not necessarily in a sexual way, but just feeling his arms around her, holding her close. Being wanted. Being needed. Being wanted and needed by Niles.

She opened her eyes and studied him again. He had such a nice face. A kind face. She'd always thought so, even though he wasn't often kind to her. What would it feel like if she saw tenderness in his eyes when she was awake? Would she finally feel loved?

These were things she would never have considered just six weeks ago. Now, she thought about them a lot.

CC had a sudden need to be close to him. Knowing he cared about her made all the difference, and she wanted to lay beside him and wrap her arms around him.

She stood and stared at him indecisively for a few minutes. If she were awake, she would never dare what she was contemplating but, when she was like this, there was no way he would ever know.

Finally, CC got on the bed and lay close to him. She was so close that their noses almost touched. Sighing, she closed her eyes. Though she couldn't feel the blankets between them, she could feel the warmth of his body and his breath on her face. It wasn't perfect but, for now, it was enough.

XXX

CC was still with Niles when the first faint light of dawn touched the room. She liked lying beside him, so she stayed until his alarm went off and he stumbled sleepily around the room.

Feeling almost comfortable with him now, she sat up on the bed and watched him dress and get ready for work. She got an almost domestic urge to help him with his tie. The feeling made her smile and shake her head.

When he went downstairs, CC lingered in his room for a few minutes, not wanting to leave its comfort, even though she felt silly for it. She wandered around, looking at pictures she had studied before and wondering how someone could shove his whole life into one small room.

Boredom soon overrode comfort, and CC decided to go to the hospital to check on her body. She was pleasantly surprised when the first thing she saw was her doctor holding a saw in his hands. Laura Daniels, a nurse that took care of CC so often that she felt as if she knew her personally, was with him. They were talking quietly, and their faces were solemn. CC knew what was going on before her doctor spoke.

"All right, Chastity-Claire," he said, turning away from Laura to address CC's body, "it's time to get those casts off. This won't hurt a bit. If you can feel it, it will just be a little tickle. Your skin will be a little sensitive for a couple of days, but Laura will take good care of you. You'll get a bit more therapy, but Michael should be able to incorporate your newly healed limbs into his routine just fine."

Her doctor always spoke to her as if she could hear him. CC didn't know whether to be grateful or to roll her eyes.

Curious, CC curled up in the visitor's chair to watch. She'd had broken limbs in the past, but she'd never had the opportunity to watch casts being removed objectively. She remembered the tickling vibration of the saw and the way her skin had itched.

They removed the arm cast first. The saw slashed through her favorite of Niles's silly comments, which saddened her a little.

The feeling didn't last long. Watching the bits of plaster fall away buoyed CC, and she almost felt light enough to float away.

When the arm was free, Laura placed it gently on the bed. It looked almost foreign, covered with flakes of dry skin, and CC was glad she couldn't feel the irritation.

It took a little longer for the leg cast, and CC abandoned her chair to watch the operation up close. She stood on the side of the bed opposite the doctor and nurse, unwilling to be walked through, and eyed the saw now steadily moving down her thigh.

The leg that was eventually revealed looked as bad as the arm. CC winced at the sight of it, but she was still delighted to see it unbound and free. She grinned.

When he was finished, the doctor picked the clunky pieces of plaster off of the floor and nodded at the nurse. Laura took a basin and began to gently wash CC's newly exposed skin.

CC couldn't stop grinning. Even though the removal of her casts had nothing to do with the health of her brain, she couldn't help but feel she was another step closer to waking up. Her body was steadily healing, and soon it would be time for her head to catch up.

The happiness she was feeling was alien to her, but she embraced it, wishing she could share it with someone.

She wondered what Niles would think when he saw her casts gone. What would he say? What would he do? She couldn't wait to find out.

XXX

Usually, CC loved opening night. Dressing up, being with Maxwell, the lights, the excitement. It was easier to get drunk on the atmosphere than the champagne. There was always nervousness, of course, wondering how the show would go and if the critics would like it. This time, CC was mostly nerves and had none of the anticipatory excitement.

Maxwell looked smashing, as always, and Nanny Fine, who was on his arm, had opted for something elegant, black, and classy. CC was grateful for that, at least. She just hoped the actors remembered their lines, the set design hadn't changed again, and the costumes looked better under opening night lights.

Niles and the children had stayed at home, and that made CC feel almost like a third wheel. It wasn't a new feeling. Any time Maxwell went somewhere with both CC and Nanny Fine, CC suddenly ceased to exist. It hurt her terribly, but she'd never told him. Instead, she had meanly lashed out.

How many times had she wished he'd look at her the way he looked at Nanny Fine as they entered the theatre? Flashbulbs went off, recording it all for posterity. At least this time, Maxwell's obvious desire for Nanny Fine didn't make CC sad. It did still make her feel out of place, however.

Pushing forward, CC made her way through the crowd. She winced every time she went through someone or someone went through her, trying to ignore the strange tingle it caused.

She should be the one speaking, she thought as she heard Maxwell stop to give a few words to a reporter. That was not different either, she supposed. He was usually the one quoted, the one given the credit, when most of the blood, sweat, and tears in each production were hers. Well, not the tears. They usually came from the cast and crew. CC was a strict boss, and she had high standards.

When she finally made her way to the place reserved for Maxwell and his guests, CC realized there was nowhere for her to sit. She frowned and resigned herself to three hours of standing.

As she waited for Maxwell and Nanny Fine to make their way up to her, CC thought about that afternoon. Niles's reaction to her casts being gone was everything she had hoped. His warm smile had been so heartfelt that the memory was enough to make CC smile herself. His comment about her now being able to chase down frightened children had been expected, and CC couldn't deny the affection in his voice when he'd said it.

CC chuckled, feeling her stomach unknot slightly and her spirits rise.

It was only a few minutes after that when Maxwell and Nanny Fine appeared. Finally able to see them objectively, she acknowledged that they made a gorgeous couple. Their eyes shone when they looked at each other, and they shared a small, secret smile. It was obvious that Nanny Fine was completely in love with him, and his love for her was just as plain. CC couldn't decide whether they were sweet or sickening. Still, it was easy to see they were happy.

She stepped out of their way so they could settle into their seats and her mind was more on her feelings about them than the play when the curtain went up. Searching herself, she found she was glad Maxwell had found someone to love him again. Even if he was no longer a possible love interest, he was still one of her oldest and dearest friends. For the first time, CC realized she was grateful for the accident. It had opened her eyes to so many things, so many possibilities.

XXX

The reviews were mixed. Some of the critics loved it, some hated it. CC was just relieved it wasn't horrifyingly terrible.

Maxwell seemed pleased. He was sitting at the small table in the kitchen reading the good reviews to Niles and Nanny Fine. Nanny Fine was at the table with him, still in her pajamas and robe, but Niles was behind the counter working.

"'...One of Sheffield-Babcock's finest productions.' What do you think of that, old man?" Maxwell beamed.

"Very good, sir," Niles stopped working to remark.

"And you all thought I couldn't do it alone."

"Not me, sir," Niles protested.

"I knew you could do it, Mr. Sheffield," Nanny Fine added.

Maxwell's face fell a little. "I will admit it was a lot harder this time. How does CC find time to do everything?"

"I'm a great multi-tasker," CC quipped, leaning against the counter next to Niles.

"It's her supernatural powers. She's able to bend time." Niles smirked.

"You may be right."

"Maxwell!" CC exclaimed, standing up straighter.

"Whatever it is," he continued, taking a sip of his coffee, "I could use some of it. I'll be happy if she's awake to help me with _A Girl's Story_."

"You do know, sir," Niles said, his voice suddenly serious, "when Miss Babcock wakes up, she won't be able to come right back to work..."

"The hell I won't! I'll crawl here if I have to."

"...She will need physical therapy and rest, probably for several weeks."

CC snorted. "I don't have to stand to work. Give me an electric wheelchair and an afternoon nap. That's all I need. There's no way anyone's going to keep me from working."

"I suppose you're right, Niles." Maxwell frowned into his cup. "Do you think I ought to give her a raise?"

XXX

CC felt strange. There was a restless feeling in her arms and legs, and she couldn't seem to sit still. She couldn't even decide where she wanted to be. There were so many places, and none of them satisfied her.

She ended up in her room, pacing, wanting to go somewhere but with no idea where. It was almost as if she had an itch inside where she couldn't scratch it.

When Niles came for his afternoon visit, the distraction was a relief. He came in looking almost cheerful.

"Hello," he said. "The reviews for _Kiss Me, Kate_ are in. The show has everyone excited. They're saying it's Mr. Sheffield's best show in years. And he did it all without you."

"Yes, he somehow pulled it off."

"He took Miss Fine to opening night. They made a handsome couple."

"I am well aware of that, Niles. Get some new material, will you?" She felt a smile tug at the corner of her mouth.

"He doesn't need you. He never needed you. He's already looking for someone to replace you, so there's no need for you to wake up."

He paused as if waiting for a reaction. CC just lifted an eyebrow at his twisting of the truth.

"You should have seen how sexy and thin Miss Fine looked in her little black dress. It's a shame you don't have the figure for that sort of thing."

"Oh, Niles, you know I have a perfectly adequate figure most of the time. What is this obsession you have with my body, anyway? You're always touching it or insulting it or looking at it. Could it be that you actually enjoy doing these things?"

She watched as he went around the bed to study her naked arm. He gently lifted it and ran his fingers over it. CC could almost imagine she felt his touch.

"It seems you have finished molting," he commented cheerfully as he carefully returned her arm to the bed.

"Very funny."

He reached up and ran a hand tenderly over her cheek. Briefly, she saw affection in his face and in his eyes.

"You'd better watch out. You'll be tipping your hand if you're not careful," she whispered in his ear.

Niles walked back around the bed and settled into the chair with his hands clasped in his lap. CC propped herself on the chair arm by his elbow and swung her leg back and forth as she waited, wondering what he'd say.

"So, Babs, here we are. I'm starting to think..."

She missed hearing what he thought when a strong tug from within her body knocked her off of the arm. CC lay sprawled on the floor, gasping in surprise.

_What the hell?_

The tug came again and her eyes widened as she realized what it was. She had felt something like this only once before.

Crawling to her feet, CC glanced at her monitors, afraid she was going into cardiac arrest. Everything seemed normal, but she felt the tug again.

Was it death or was it life that was pulling at her? CC was tempted to fight against it so she wouldn't have to find out.

The tug came again, stronger, and CC stumbled the couple of feet to the bed. She looked down at herself, taking in the peaceful look on her face and the even rising and falling of her chest. There were no signs of distress. CC sighed, realizing that this probably meant it was time to wake up.

She reached forward to touch her neck, and the tug became stronger. It urged her forward, telling her it was time. CC hesitated, hating to give in, even though it was something she wanted. She'd always been that way. Fighting against everything was the way she had learned to survive. But where had it gotten her? Lost. Alone. Buried in work. Afraid.

CC refused to be afraid anymore. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Slowly, she counted to ten and cleared her mind. Then she relaxed and finally let go. There was another tug, this one so strong it felt as if it were pulling her inside out. It was followed by a sudden flash of blinding pain.

When the pain ended, she felt different. Strange. Her body was heavy, as if encased in lead, and everything sounded sharper.

It was a struggle to move, and it took her several tries to blink open eyelids that felt as if they were attached to weights. She was lying down, and there was a light above her, shining in her eyes. Everything looked fuzzy but, with determination, she blinked again, trying to get everything into focus.

She could feel Niles before she could see him. The scent of lemon, cinnamon, and Old Spice surrounded her, and his presence was warm and soothing. She was glad he was there with her.

"Niles?" she whispered, her voice scratchy, turning her heavy head slightly to look at him.

He stopped in mid-sentence, and his eyes widened. "Miss Babcock?"

Several emotions flickered over his face, and all of them were laced with shock. They settled quickly, and his final expression was one of fake indifference. He was good at it and, if CC hadn't been watching him for weeks, she might have fallen for it.

"You look terrible," he said easily, "though that's nothing new."

CC tried to smile but her lips were so stiff she only succeeded in barely turning up the corner of her mouth. "Look who's talking...and at least I have an excuse, Hazel."

Speaking was difficult, and her words weren't very loud, but she knew Niles had heard them when his eyes began to twinkle. He was almost smiling when he got up.

"You're leaving?" she rasped.

"Your doctor will want to know about this. And someone has to warn the villagers."

She wanted to ask him not to go, but she didn't have the strength. The effort of waking had left her weak and exhausted. Even keeping her eyes open seemed almost more than she could do.

Wistfully, she watched him go, wondering what would happen next.


	12. Chapter 12

Being back in her body was strange. It was so slow and heavy that CC felt as if she weighed at least an extra hundred pounds, and having people actually talk to her and expect a response was both odd and distracting. The hardest thing to get used to was the return of her sense of touch. Her skin was extremely sensitive, and the feel of the sheets against it was sometimes irritating.

Of course, she didn't tell any of this to her doctor. She didn't want anyone to think she was crazy, and they would if she started babbling about her spirited ramblings. Instead, she answered the doctor's questions on how she was feeling as honestly as she could without referring to it.

For days, she felt too weak to do much more than lie in her bed wondering where Niles was. He hadn't shown his face once in her room since she woke up, and she missed him. She watched her doctor, Nurse Daniels, and her therapist passively as they did all manner of things to her body. The touch of skin on skin was almost uncomfortable after being deprived of it for so long.

Lying there unable to move gave her a lot of time to think, and CC came to the conclusion that she didn't want to go back to the way things were before the accident. At least not completely. She knew things now that she hadn't known then, and her mind was so much clearer. Alcohol and delusions were no longer clouding it, and she finally understood what she'd been afraid to even contemplate before.

She considered it a victory when Laura helped her to sit up on the third day after she woke. The sun was shining in the window, glinting off of the two frames sitting on the long table holding the flowers.

"Thank you," CC said, knowing the nurse surely deserved it. CC was often hard to get along with at the best of times, but Laura had taken the mood swings and sarcasm in stride.

"You'll feel much better now, Chastity-Claire. You'll see."

"I feel better already."

The nurse peered at her, her expression showing she wasn't sure if CC were being sincere or sarcastic. After a moment, she continued, "Michael says you are doing well. Sometime in the next couple of days, you should be able to get up and take short walks. Before you know it, you'll be on your way home."

"How long until I can work?"

"You've been through a..."

"How long?"

The nurse shook her head. "I'm not sure. You'll have to ask your doctor. Probably not for several weeks."

CC's good mood at finally moving evaporated at this. "Maxwell could run the company into the ground by that time."

"It takes as long as it takes." Laura's voice became stern and CC sighed in capitulation.

XXX

Two days later, CC was feeling much stronger. She was even walking some on her own and arguing with her therapist. Her mood wavered from happy that she was awake to frustrated that her body wasn't getting mobile fast enough.

She'd had a nice, long chat on the phone with Noel, and her father had sent her some more flowers with a card saying how happy he was that she was awake. He hadn't visited, so CC assumed his promise to be more present in her life had been forgotten.

Actually, CC hadn't had any visitors since she woke. Even Niles had stopped coming, and she missed him. She knew it was probably because he didn't want her to know he cared. It was silly, and knowing it didn't make her want to see him any less.

As CC began to interact with the world again, it was the little things she appreciated most. Even though she got frustrated, she was still grateful that she could touch and lift things. Communicating seemed like a small miracle every time she spoke and someone answered. She loved being able to eat, and even the bland hospital food tasted great to her reawakening tastebuds. She couldn't wait to shower on her own or get dressed, small actions CC had taken for granted before but things she hadn't been able to do for weeks.

She was eating some chocolate pudding and wishing she had some of Niles's strawberry shortcake when there was a knock on her door. CC had been expecting her therapist, but Michael didn't usually knock.

Before she could call out for the person to enter, the door opened and Nanny Fine came in. She was followed by all three of the Sheffield children. Nanny Fine looked cheerful, but the kids looked almost frightened. CC couldn't help but smile when she saw them. Now that she knew they didn't hate her, it was time to give up the game of pretending she didn't know their names.

"Good morning, Miss Babcock," Nanny Fine said. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," she admitted.

"The kids wanted to come see you."

"It got me out of school." Brighton shrugged, and Maggie elbowed him.

"Well, it will dispel the boredom, I suppose." CC plopped her spoon into her pudding and pushed the small table away. "Come in, Nanny Fine, Maggie, Brighton. Thank you for the bear, Grace."

The Little One's face lit up even as the others' mouths dropped open in shock.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Who else could it have been?"

"Did he make you feel better?"

"Much." It was the truth.

"Miss Babcock, should I go get the doctor?" Nanny Fine asked. There was a worried expression on her face at CC's friendly tone.

"I'm on pain medication," CC assured her, fighting the urge to smile again.

"Oh." She nodded and waved her hand. "Then this is the perfect time for us to visit."

"We brought you a card," Maggie said hesitatingly, coming forward slowly and handing CC a sealed envelope.

CC raised an eyebrow. "A card? Did you pick it out?" 

"Fran did...and we all signed it." She elbowed Brighton again.

"Uh, yeah," he echoed.

Instead of scornfully setting it aside as she might have before, CC put her thumb under the flap and gently forced it open. She pretended not to notice the four pairs of eyes watching her anxiously as she drew out the card. CC expected it to be cartoonish and silly, but it was actually understated and classy. She couldn't believe that Nanny Fine had picked it out.

Opening it, she saw everyone had indeed signed it—everyone but Niles. Even Maxwell had scrawled out a quick, "Get well soon. I can't find anything."

"This is very nice," CC commented after reading each simple message. "Thank you."

Brighton's eyes widened in surprise. "Hey, Miss Babcock, maybe you should bring some of those painkillers home."

"I'll consider it," she replied, keeping her voice as even and as serious as she could.

"It's nice to see you awake," Maggie said, after giving her brother an evil look.

"We came to visit while you were asleep," Grace added. "You look much better now."

"I'm sure I do. I've heard both my arm and leg were broken."

"Your color was horrible," Nanny Fine said.

"Niles told us..." Brighton started and then trailed off when he glanced at Nanny Fine.

"I can just imagine what he had to say. Speaking of the dust mop, where is he, anyway?" she said this casually, almost scornfully, not wanting them to know she cared about the answer.

"You expected him?" Nanny Fine asked.

CC shrugged. "The nurses said he came to see me while I was...um...resting. I assume it's Niles I have to thank for the broom in the corner and the pictures on the table."

"Uh...Yeah."

"He always tries to be so amusing."

"I think he missed you, Miss Babcock," Grace told her solemnly.

"We all missed you," Nanny Fine was quick to assure her. "The house wasn't the same without you."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that."

"I didn't miss you, if it makes you feel better," Brighton commented, but CC remembered how boring he said the house was without her and knew he was lying. "And I want to know what you did with my video camera."

"B," Nanny Fine slapped his shoulder lightly, "be nice."

"It's all right, Nanny Fine."

"Don't mind him, Miss Babcock," Maggie added. "He's a jerk."

"Hey, I'm just keeping it real."

CC smirked at him. His eyes widened for a brief second before he smirked back.

CC's gaze went from him to Grace, whose small face was so earnest. She remembered the hours the child had spent reading to her and made a split second decision.

"Grace?"

"Yes, Miss Babcock?"

"Do you see that book on the table beside the picture of your father and Nanny Fine?" Grace nodded. "Could you bring it over to me?"

Grace looked puzzled but she hurried over to the table, picked up the book, and handed it to CC.

"I received this for my birthday when I was five years old. My brother, Noel, gave it to me, and he used to read it to me. Someone obviously read it to me when I was in my coma because there's a bookmark in it. That was very nice of them, don't you think?"

Grace nodded again but didn't reply.

"The thing is, I'm too old for this story now. It's about little girls. I don't suppose you'd like to have it? I know Sigmund Freud and Nietzsche are more what you're used to, but..." She let her sentence hang unfinished in the air.

"You want to give me your book?" The shock on her face was plain.

"Only if you want it, of course."

Grace hugged the book to her chest and said quietly, "Thank you, Miss Babcock."

She waved this away. "Think nothing of it."

Grace smiled widely. "You may keep Teddy...if you like."

"What? Teddy? Well, I might have a place for him." CC kept her tone bored and disinterested, but she winked at Grace.

"Wow, there's a whole room full," a pleasant male voice said.

CC glanced at the door to see Michael coming in. She scowled. "What are you doing here?"

"It's time for your therapy." He sounded way too damn cheerful about it.

"We should be going anyway," Nanny Fine told her. "Get better soon, Miss Babcock. Come on, kids."

CC glared at her therapist, who just grinned in response. Ignoring him, she said, "Thank you for coming, N..." She stopped herself and forced out a word she'd sworn she'd never say, "Fran."

Nanny Fine—Fran-glanced at CC, startled, before she followed the children out of the room.

CC watched them go, then turned to Michael. "All right, you sadist, what have you got planned for today?"

XXX

Two days later, CC was almost wishing she'd kept the book. Boredom was starting to set in now that she was feeling better. There was absolutely nothing to do besides look at her photo album over and over, and she had no one to call to bring her something to read. She had asked for TV to be hooked up in her room, but she couldn't find anything to watch except mindless drivel that put her to sleep. She'd had enough sleep.

With a sigh, she picked up Teddy and played with his bandana. It still smelled faintly of Lemon Pledge.

"You are one handsome fella." CC tapped Teddy lightly on the nose. "I can't believe Grace let me keep you."

She blushed as she heard the door open and quickly pushed Teddy onto the bedside table. Looking up, she saw Niles enter, his face unreadable.

"Hello, Niles."

"Babcock," he answered shortly.

She studied him closely. He looked uncomfortable, and his hands were folded in front of him.

"You're here," CC said evenly. She felt like smiling but forced it away because she didn't know what to expect.

"Yes. Miss Fine said you wanted to see me."

CC let her smile shine through as she replied, "Don't get your hopes up, Hazel. I just wanted to know where you were."

His arms fell to his sides and he eyed her suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you were here every day while I was in my coma, but I haven't seen you once since I woke up."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

She enjoyed the slightly embarrassed look that went over his features as she prodded, "I know you came every day."

"Did Miss Fine tell you?" He frowned.

"No." She shook her head, still smiling. "I could feel you here...though maybe that was just the smell of Lemon Pledge...and I could hear you."

His eyes widened. "You could hear me?"

"Not your words," she lied. "Just your voice."

"Someone had to make sure you knew how close Miss Fine and Mr. Sheffield were getting without you there to interfere."

"Of course," she said solemnly, fighting to hide her amusement.

"Is that all you wanted? Because..."

"Come, sit with me, Niles."

"I really should..."

"Hours while I'm in a coma and you can't even spare me two minutes now that I'm awake?" CC interrupted.

He sighed heavily. "Fine."

Niles came closer and was about to sit in the chair, so she said, "No, Niles. Come sit with me. Here."

She patted the side of her bed. Niles stared at her, motionless, his face and eyes blank.

"Come on, Niles. I won't bite. I just have something to tell you."

She patted the bed again. For a moment, Niles looked indecisive, and she thought he'd refuse. CC expected a sudden cutting insult, but he remained silent and came towards her cautiously. When he sat gingerly on the very edge of her mattress, CC could feel his warmth through the thin hospital sheet.

"Well, what is it?" he asked grumpily.

She leaned over and gently pressed her lips to his cheek. His skin was soft even through the slight roughness of late afternoon stubble, and she felt a faint and strange sense of possessiveness.

As she pulled away, she whispered, "Thank you."

The shock on his face was almost comical, and he couldn't quite pull off the expression of revulsion that he was aiming for.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Has it been so long for you that you've forgotten?" she teased. "Here, let me refresh your memory."

This time, she kissed his lips, though it was just as gentle and just as brief. When he didn't pull away, she timidly brushed her fingertips over his cheek.

Niles reached up and caught her hand, and CC steeled herself for a cruel and biting rejection. The rough push she expected didn't happen. He just closed his fingers around hers.

"Miss Babcock?"

"What? No protestations of hatred? No assertions that the world would have been better off if I had died in that accident? No terrible zing? No cutting rejection?"

"I don't want you to die." His voice was firm but quiet.

"You've said it often enough."

His fingers squeezed but not enough to be painful. "I never wanted you to die."

"I know," she admitted.

He couldn't meet her eyes. She waited for him to speak and, when he didn't, she continued quietly.

"It was all a game. We played it well, didn't we? We denied our friendship and hurt each other because it was what others expected...what we ourselves expected. And sometimes it was fun. But I knew the truth...and so did you."

Niles didn't answer, and he still didn't look at her. CC caressed the back of his hand with her thumb, glad that he hadn't jerked it away.

"If our positions had been reversed," he finally said, "I would have taken advantage of your weakness when you came to see me. I would have..."

"I know...and I would have forgiven you. Eventually. But, today, I don't feel like playing. I don't want to lash out. I want to sit here with my friend and hold his hand. Can we call a truce, Niles, just for today?"

His hand tightened slightly and he finally met her gaze. He swallowed and she could tell he wanted to say something. CC waited patiently, certain whatever it was would be honest and not a zing.

"I missed you." His voice was so soft CC almost couldn't hear him.

CC's heart constricted at his sincerity, and unexpressed feelings hung heavy in the air. With her free hand, she touched his face.

They sat like that for several seconds before Niles cleared his throat and they drew away from each other. CC felt herself flush and she dropped her eyes from Niles's face.

"I...I should be going," Niles said roughly. "It's almost time to start dinner."

"Okay," she told him. When he turned away, she added, "Niles?"

He glanced at her, and CC saw his face was flushed as well. "Yes?"

"Will you come back?"

"Every day," he promised.

She smiled. "Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," Niles agreed.

"Will you bring me something to read?"

"Now, you're pushing it, Babs."

She laughed and he smirked at her.

"Bye, Niles."

As he left, CC felt lighter and happier than she had in a long time. Before her accident, she had been living in dread of each day and plowing through her life as if it were something to endure. Things were going to change now. It was time to start living. She was going to become the kind of person that would make her grandmother proud, and she was going to stop chasing some fairytale idea of happiness and find out what would truly make her happy.

With this resolution firmly in mind, CC settled down with Teddy and turned on the TV. Maybe it was time to let the TV lull her to sleep so she could dream of the future.

The End


End file.
